Yall might as well get use to my monthly bitching about my gift from mother nature,aka Aunt Flo. I use to be one of those women that would scoff at whiney asses that cried about their periods. Ummm, then the bitch thought it was funny to put the wham bam on me. Let this be a lesson...if you laugh at others, inevitably you will walk in their shoes. So now I have 2 days a month where I am totally worthless! Totally! Nothing helps (except the hard shit). So I don't even bother. I just lay in bed and dream about snatching my ovaries out.
During this time my mind tends to ponder the mysteries of "Aunt Flo". First I wonder how did she become my aunt! I mean, is she my mama's sister? My daddy's brother's wife? If you are from Alabama is it your "aunt/cousin/sister/step mommy Flo"? Second, I don't think it is fair to the Flos in the world. I mean EVERYONE (women and men alike) hate Aunt Flo. Even little children learn quickly when the bitch is visiting. Mommy turns into a raging ball of hormones.She eats everything in site and is a mean lunatic!
Third, who the fuck named this bodily function after a real name. It aint like when we go poo we say I am going to take a wiff of Uncle George. I mean really! The thing that blows me away is the Flo is universal! You can tell anybody, any where that "Aunt Flo" is visiting and they know what it means! I mean did they teach this in school at some point? How the hell does everyone fucking know!
Anyway,a quick story. My ex's mother sits with elderly folks that have dementia. Well there was this one very wealthy refined southern woman named Mrs. White. Well when Mrs. White had enough of you, or got pissed of she would declare "You may go!". That is what I am saying to Auntie Flo! I don't wanta see you no more! We have had our hay day,and I have 3 beautiful children. Your services are not necessary any longer. Isn't there some sophomore sitting in english class begging for you to visit them? You may go!