Mama is on the Potty: Flo, you may go!

WELCOME! COME IN AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!

I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.

I AM CRAZY! I AM SNARKY! I AM CRASS! I AM A SMART ASS!

Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Flo, you may go!

Yall might as well get use to my monthly bitching about my gift from mother nature,aka Aunt Flo. I use to be one of those women that would scoff at whiney asses that cried about their periods. Ummm, then the bitch thought it was funny to put the wham bam on me. Let this be a lesson...if you laugh at others, inevitably you will walk in their shoes. So now I have 2 days a month where I am totally worthless! Totally! Nothing helps (except the hard shit). So I don't even bother. I just lay in bed and dream about snatching my ovaries out.
During this time my mind tends to ponder the mysteries of "Aunt Flo". First I wonder how did she become my aunt! I mean, is she my mama's sister? My daddy's brother's wife? If you are from Alabama is it your "aunt/cousin/sister/step mommy Flo"? Second, I don't think it is fair to the Flos in the world. I mean EVERYONE (women and men alike) hate Aunt Flo. Even little children learn quickly when the bitch is visiting. Mommy turns into a raging ball of hormones.She eats everything in site and is a mean lunatic!
Third, who the fuck named this bodily function after a real name. It aint like when we go poo we say I am going to take a wiff of Uncle George. I mean really! The thing that blows me away is the Flo is universal! You can tell anybody, any where that "Aunt Flo" is visiting and they know what it means! I mean did they teach this in school at some point? How the hell does everyone fucking know!
Anyway,a quick story. My ex's mother sits with elderly folks that have dementia. Well there was this one very wealthy refined southern woman named Mrs. White. Well when Mrs. White had enough of you, or got pissed of she would declare "You may go!". That is what I am saying to Auntie Flo! I don't wanta see you no more! We have had our hay day,and I have 3 beautiful children. Your services are not necessary any longer. Isn't there some sophomore sitting in english class begging for you to visit them? You may go!