WELCOME! COME IN AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!



I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.

I AM CRAZY! I AM SNARKY! I AM CRASS! I AM A SMART ASS!

Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)






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WARNING! WARNING!

WARNING! WARNING!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Stupid Santa???

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OMGosh I have so friggin much to tell y'all! It is already 10:45 here and I have to go to bed early because Patty Cake will be up early. Anyway, here is one little funny~ well not so funny~ from Family Weekend (The Turkey Edition)

On Friday I got up and hit the stores. I got all of my shopping done...DONE. Now the trick for me is to stay out of the stores. It should be easy since I think stores are stupid and I am convinced that most people have poo for brains. I got home and I was jacked up and ready to go when we got back. So what better to do on Black Friday??? Go see Santa! Naturally! I think I need to check my ingredients in my coffee to make sure there is not something in there counter acting my crazy pills.

I bust through the door all hyper and announce to Dean and the kids that we are in fact going to see Santa, today! I am not so sure that Dean was hot on the idea. I could tell by his sluggish reaction. He had just laid Patty Cake down so I am thinking I came home about and hour and 1/2 too early and messed up nappy time for him...darn. He let me know this by sitting like a bump on a log in his recliner (the biggest thorn in my side that will find its way to the trash truck soon). He was watching some James Bond movie. WTH! That is not acceptable! So after he heemed and hawed he finally hoisted his butt out of the chair (roots and all).

Ansley was already dressed because she had been out shopping with me. That left Laney-Claire and Matt. Laney was going to be last minute because I did not want her to mess up her fabo Santa outfit. I told Matt to get ready, and that is when it happened...he told me that he did not want to go because Santa was STUPID! (mouth drop) I must tell you I was highly offended and pissed off. Here I was all jacked and ready to go and he busted my bubble! The nerve! He does know the sceret, but still...that is no excuse to ruin your mothers fun! He was going to see Santa and enjoy it, damn it!

We had our schedual planed out. We were going to the mall, hit JC Penny for Matt a belt and then go see Santa. After that we planned on going to Lowes and Hobby Lobby to pick up a couple of things. Ok! Break-----not to fast! "Mama, I'm hungry"...oh great Santa hater is hungry. "Ok son, we will get something after we see Santa." You would have thought I had said you are not going to eat until Christmas morning! I don't know about anyone elses kids, but my children have a whine decible that can shatter glass. We had just friggin ate! I think that is the only thing he knew to say to totally annoy me since I was making him go see stupid Santa. (OMG my head is starting to hurt). My bump was not much better at this point. The only thing he was good for is yelling at Santa hater. (My head is hurting worse).

We get to the mall and we go in Pennys. Naturally, my daughter has to pee. I think it is her goal in life to check out every single bathroom in the United States before she graduates from high school. Bump takes Santa hater and Miss Peesalot to the bathroom and I hunt a belt. OMG! You know what I HATE! When a sales associate asks if you are finding everything ok and then you actually ask them for help and THEY DONT KNOW WHERE THE HELL ANYTHING IS!!!!!!!!!!!! I follow this fruit cake around the friggin store and they dont even sell little boy belts!!!! WTH! How can you sell pants and not belts?

I called Bump and told him to meet me at the jewlery counter, then I was led all over the store by my osohelpful friend...I ended up at the bathrooms. I did not see my tribe, so I called Bump again..."Where are you?" ......."I'm at the JEWLERY COUNTER". Ugh! I look over and see him leaning up against a rack and I can tell frick and frack are fighting. Great, just great.

Anyway, we go to see Santa. NO LINE. Well I lie. There was one woman with her 2 little girls. She was talking to her mom about what package she wanted to buy. She saw us coming and she acted like a wild wolf. She did not want us to get ahead of them. Calm down lady! There areonly 2 of us here, I am not going to line jump even though I have my shit together and know what the heck I want. You just converse with Granny and we will be over here waiting.

I have to admit, by this point I was a little frazzled. My euforic buzz had wore off. Dealing with Santa hater screaming he was hungry and the Bump(all married ladies know about bump mode), well just being a bump was driving me crazy. O I forgot to mention that Laney-Claire had the cutest hat (see pic). Well it was too big so every few minutes she would start kicking like crazy and I would look down and she would have her whole face covered. I could have taken the damn thing off, but that would have been way too easy.

So we get to Santa. See above picture...gotta love my Santa hater.

I GOT AN AWARD!!!

I am super excited! Kat over at Kat's Confessions gave me an award! (doing the happy dance!!) Thank you! Thank you! I am not just talking to myself!!!! Yipee!
Go check out her blog! It ROCKS!

http://kats-confessions.blogspot.com/

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Now I have to give this award to 5 super dooper bloggers!! I have to say that this was a very hard choice! I am addicted to so many! I hope you all enjoy these blogs! If you do leave the ladies some love!!!

http://www.lifescrazyjoke.com/
http://mefindingmichelle.blogspot.com/
http://www.thestrollerballet.com/
http://whatswrongwithmommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.lifehappensduringnaptime.com/
http://organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/

Sorry I don't know how to do the link clicky thing. I would take the time to find out, but I have to blog tonight and Dean wants me to watch football with him. So anyway, THANKS AGAIN!!!!

A Sad Post

Last night I received a phone call from Ansley's teacher. The mother of one of Ans's classmates had passed on. This lady was very special to everyone in the class because she came to the school every single day and volunteered in Ans's class. She often would work 14 hours a day. She was a true inspiration to volunteerism in schools. She made a difference not only in her sons life, but she adopted all of the children in the class as her own. My daughter spent a lot of time with her because Ans will often stay after school to help her teacher with various projects. I had the privilege of getting to know Ms. T when I helped with the school carnival. She also was always there when Dean would pick Ans up after school. Always with a smile.

Our thoughts now turn to her 9 y/o son that woke up this morning without his mama. My heart breaks for him. Last night while I was trying to sleep I thought up the idea that everyone can mail him a Christmas card. The cost is minimal and only takes a few minutes. This could really brighten this little boys day to know that so many people care for him. Please help us make this happen!
Mail cards to:
Matthew T.
C/O Kim Gracey
201 Rhomboid
North Augusta SC 29841

I am just going to sign my card "Mama". It is a way for her to tell him Merry Christmas when she is not here.

I often read emails or post about this type of thing and have good intentions to take the time to do this, and never do. Please make the time. Such little effort on our part can mean so much to him.

Thank You!
April

PS Moo Mommy and all the highlights from Family Weekend (Turkey Addition) is coming! I kept my daughter home with me today, so we have been snuggling and playing.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Weekend Update

I am knee deep in family fun weekend! I am having a blast! I have a lot to blog about, but I have been sleeping at night, soooo I have not had time. I have missed blogging the last few days! I have all these things that happen and I am like " oh great blog moment". It truly is an addiction!

Anyway, I will be back tomorrow to start sharing my holiday weekend. I hope y'all are having as much fun as I am!

April

Friday, November 27, 2009

Post Thanksgiving- Still Thankful!

Thanksgiving has came and went for another year. I must say this was a great one! I had a little tangle with DA on Wednesday night everything went off without a hitch.

I made awesome blueberry muffins and woke the kiddies up in time to watch the parade. They had the special treat of coffee milk. We finished up the cooking just as our family arrived. Everything was super yummy.

The rest of the day was lazy. Big kiddies, Daddy and Uncle Jeffie played a little ball in the back yard. They came in and ate desert and Jeffie promptly went to sleep on the couch. Big kids went to DA's for a few hours and we just chilled.

When the kids came home it was bath time then movie time. We popped popcorn and watched "Hotel For Dogs". Very cute.

Now everyone is asleep, but me! I am going back on my word and Ans and I are going to get up at 4am and hit some black Friday sales. Am I a super dork to be excited, not about the shopping...but going for the first time with my daughter?

I hope yall had a great, relaxing day! Everyone going shopping, stay safe!

April

Thursday, November 26, 2009

MBC and all other readers!

I want to say thank you for all the great feed back! I don't know if yall know but I do most of my postings/viewings from my blackberry (usually when I am suppose to be sleeping). Patty Cake Princess keeps me hopping most days and I can't get time to get on my computer. If I wait until night time when everyone is asleep to get on the PC I end up staying up all night! So I try to stay in the bed with my phone. There are a lot of things I can do, can't do, and I don't know about! I do check out all of your blogs/ new post daily. I am trying to figure out how to post comments (if anyone has a BB curve and can give me tips that would rock!).
Anyway! I want you to know that I think yall are all great and that is contributing to my lack of sleep :). It is all yalls fault! LOL. Keep blogging and I will keep reading!

Hopelessly addicted!
April

Happy Thanksgiving

I can hardly believe that today is Thanksgiving. I look back on the past year and think wow! God is so good to me! Last year this time I was 20 weeks pregnant and recovering from an apendectomy. So many things have happened in one short year. I gave birth to another love of my life. All of our prayers were answered when or beautiful miracle baby came into the world. She completed our family.
Two short months later I said good bye to a person that I loved very much. This has defiantly been the closest person to me that has ever died.
There has been good news, bad news, tears and a lot of laughter. For all I am thankful. It keeps us humble, thankful, real and sane (or more insane depending on what we are laughing at).
I am most thankful for God's forgiveness and love. He has given me all of these wonderful people in my life that complete who I am.
I am thankful that there is no weenies in heaven, and my grandparents will be together again for this Thanksgiving.
I am thankful for our future, whatever it may be. We will continue to put all our faith in God and his plan. He has gotten us this far!

I hope everyone has a happy and wonderful Thanksgiving. Hug all of your family tight, and let them know you love them. You never know what a year can bring.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Sex is Addicting

I have thought about posting this all day. I am not sure how well this will go over, but I am all about realism and showing my real life...so here it goes.
About a year and half ago our family (minus Laney, of course) were on the way to dinner. The kids were in the back of the truck gibbering as usual. Any parent know this is instant comedy! The thoughts of a 7 and 9 year old are astounding! On this particular day my ears really perked up because they were talking about sex! WHAT! OMHC (OM holy crap). WOW! Matt was telling Ansley what sex was. Well needless to say he was wrong!
I sat there in shock while I listened. I was not quite sure how to proceed. Hum! I ugh, hum! Yeah, not so ready for that conversation. I thought about it and decided the cats outta the bag. I might as well make the best of it.
As we sat down to dinner I broached the subject. Both of them were mortified. They might not know what sex was, but they sure knew they were not suppose to be talking about it! I never chastised them. I just simply ask what they thought they knew. Anyway, not to drag this out...we had what I feel like was an age appropriate discussion and cleared some things up. We also opened the door for them to ask us respectful questions at any time. Well Matthew was just totally disgusted by the whole thing and he thought anyone who had sex was nuts. He stated, "No way. No how."

So since then the subject popped up occasionally. Especially when I became prego. We just deal on their level and move on. Oh I do want to say that they were told not to share any information with other kids. We told them it was mommy and daddy's jobs to talk to kids, not other kids!

That brings me to today. Well, Matthew is a recent DARE graduate. He went through the program and learned all about drugs and addictions. It is a very good program. That being said here is the conversation I had with him today.

Matt: I want you to have another baby.

Me: We have talked about this. You know when mama had Laney the doctor made it where I can't have babies anymore.

Matt: So, I want you to have more babies! I want you to have 12!

Me: Ok, well you are nuts. 3 is the perfect number for us, and that is what God gave us!

Matt: Well God can give you more even if you are broke.

Me: Well yeah, but not likely.
Matt: Well I will pray, and you do it a lot and we will have some more.

Holy Poopie! Did my 10 year old just tell me to have sex?

Me: I don't think it works like that.

Matt: Oooooh Mama! I saw on TV that it can be addicting. You can go crazy and want it all the time and end up doing it in parking lots and stuff.

Me: Doing WHAT!

Matt: You know, that sex stuff. I aint getting addicted. I told you I aint doing that junk.

OMHC!

Me: Son, where did you see this at?

Matt: Tru TV

Me: Why are you watching Tru TV?

Matt: I wanted to watch the governors show.

Ok now I am to the WTF

Me: What governors show?

Matt: You know (like I know everything) Jessie the body. He has a new show starting the 7th.

How does every single conversation I have with this child come back to friggin wrestling???

Me: Well Tru TV is for adults, so I am sure it is an adult show. I don't think you need to watch that any more.

Matt: ok mama!

There you have it! Don't have sex because it is addictive and you might go crazy and do "it" in parking lots.
However, I am happy that he still has this same opinion. I wonder how long it will last??

I don't make this crap up! I swear! LOL

Mama Says

I am amazed at the power of the word "whatever". Those 8 letters pack a huge punch. In our house it usually signifies the end of a difference of opinion...a not so happy end for the person that did not utter the magic word (usually Dean). He gets madder then a wet hen when I say whatever. I normally get the jaw clinch and a little eye bulge! Good times! I mean it is one word! It is not like I said "You are a stupid moron for having that opinion. My knowledge is far superior to yours that you can't even understand thinking on my levels." Did I?
"Whatever" is a word that the children are not allowed to say in "that tone". If they do they will be saying hello to my 5 little friends. Yes, I will spank (not beat) my children. I feel as though it is my civic duty so they will not grow up to be, well...democrats. JUST KIDDING. Geez! Really, my philosophy is a spanking they deserve will be a spanking they will get. I come from a long line of the "have been spanked". To my knowledge none of us kick puppies or have been to jail for assault. We are all law abiding, caring, and generally nice people. Well, maybe a little mouthy. I don't attribute that to spankings. That's just how we roll.
On that note, I must say it has been 2 years since the kids have had spankings. I have moved on to much more fun options of punishment-mommy torture. Before you get all nutso let me finish.Here is an example. For weeks Ansley had been doing these moves with her arms. I know it was from cheer leading, and that is cool. Except when she is doing this while walking through a store or at the dinner table. I could not tell you the number of times that I have told that youngin to stop. Well one night she was doing it again at the dinner table. I had enough. I told her if she did it one more time I would make her hold her arms over her head for 30 minutes. Ha! Well naturally my little smart butt said "I don't care." If you ever meet her, ask her if she likes holding her hands above her head? She sat there for 20 minutes. About 5 minutes in she was asking to get up. I am happy to say she does her cheer leading moves in more appropriate places and at more appropriate times.
See, spankings don't work anymore. Out foxing the fox does...for now. I just go with the flow and think of the best punishment for what the situation is.
I am happy to say, while they drive me nuts sometimes, they are both on the road to being nice, productive, polite, republicans. ;) (A JOKE)! We actually incourage them to educate themselves and form their own opinions.

PS. They have never kicked puppies either.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My name is April, and I am a GDA

I love Christmas! I love Christmas shopping! I love wrapping presents (ok, that is a stretch...I like wrapping the first 5 or 6. Then my ADD kicks in!). I am 32 years old and I have been shopping for my own gift to give since I started working when I was 16 years old. I was so incredibly proud, and I bought a LOT. Every year since I have made my list and checked it twice and headed out early so I could tackle the shopping monster. I have had many the adrenaline rush for getting "great deal". I would laugh at the smiley faced Wal-Mart sign and think "I got you this year bub! I shopped til I dropped and look at all the stuff I practically STOLE from you! HaHa! Look at all the money I have saved! Super Mommy wins again!"

And then I totally eff up. See if the story stopped there I would totally rock, but I don't. My first problem is I am a "good deal acholic". I can never turn down a good deal. Enter my second problem...the Sunday sales ads. They are EVIL! Just dripping with all kinds off goodies that my children would just LOVE, and deals I as a GDA can not pass up. I am sure you have seen them. Evil. Pure evil. My third problem is I have selective memory loss. I forget all the gift I have already purchased. I forget black Friday when I conquered my list. Unfortunately I remember this when it is time to wrap all the friggin presents. By then it is too late. I have became emotionally attached to each and every gift. I have envisioned the recipients delight on how thoughtful and simply wonderfully happy it will make them. Nope. No way, no how are these puppies going back now!

Sigh.

So what I end up with is a broke wallet, too many friggin presents to wrap, and kids that spend an hour opening gifts like robots b/c I am saying "hurry up you can look at it later, you have more". For the past 2 year I have found my super special gifts in the bottom of their closets in September. Guess they weren't that super special after all. They really were, if the kids did not get so much. I use the excuse that we don't buy a lot during the year. I am not a mommy that goes to Wal-Mart every week and they get a toy. So Christmas I tend to go overboard.

I have figured out it is a nasty conspiracy. See there are a lot of people like me. There people like my aunt that have their complete list purchased by September and they stay away from stores and ads. They are the saving shopper. I am the spend more, and more, and more. I think there more people like me. Especially mommies.

I am taking a new approach this year. I am not going shopping on black Friday. I am making a specific list of a limited amount of items. The biggest thing I am going to do is place the amount of money for each child in their own envelope. I can only spend that money. When it is gone, it is gone. Gifts, stocking stuffers and all.

Wish me luck!

(Oh wait, is that a Nintendo DS for $98 on Friday...effing smiley face!)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Moo Mommy Monday...take 2

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I suck. I am not going to sit here and tell y'all all the stupid excuses that I have came up with why this week I did not get down to business. I am suppose to "keep it real" here. Anyway, I will tell y'all I did weight last week, and that is about all I did! I have not gained ALL the weight back I have lost...but a good bit. I have came to the conclusion that I will have to blog about this every friggin day to keep me accountable. Ugh! At least for a little while. I am still keeping Moo Mommy Monday as my WI day. So this is take 2. I am going to set forth my goals for the week.

1. Stop eating candy and junk food. Only healthy treats.
2. Drink 100 oz of water a day (GULP!)
3. I can only drink diet coke AFTER I have finnished my water goal.
4. Limit my portion sizes.

I think this is pretty doable. I did not add exercise this week. I am going to be hopping clean and getting ready for Thursday and then we will be decorating the house for Christmas. Lets just see how these 4 go for now!

Maxine Dieting Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Gifts, baby jails, and cookies!

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Wow! I can not believe that the weekend is over. I must say that my tribe and I were very busy! On Friday I received and email from Ansley's teacher (who BTW ROCKS!) about a Navy Seaman that their class is sending a care package to for the holidays! AWESOME! Being the granddaughter of a 3 time war veteran and Dean's dad serving in the Air force we are definitely military supporters! If we agree or disagree with the war, we will always support the people who keep us free and will die for us. We push respect and honor in our house for the armed forces. We also expect that our children have a great respect for our country. That being said, off to Wally World with our list. All of the items that were listed were food items, so I called her teacher (yes, at 7pm on a Friday night) to find out if he likes a certain type of music of books. She promptly called around and found out he was a lover of all...crap...so he is 23ish and I am 32ish and Dean is 42ish...maybe we can figure something out!
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We ended up with the new Creed CD. I hope he likes it, and if not I hope one of his shipmates do! LOL We also got a few of his favorite food items, baby wipes, and hand warmers (the kind you break and they stay hot for 10 hours). These are in great need over seas right now because it is starting to get cold at night. I got 4 for $1.44. You can find them near the check outs at Wal-Mart. I greatly encourage everyone to try to get a small group together to send some love to these men and women. Just the littlest things that remind them of home can make it so much easier for them.

On Saturday we did our normal routine, except they had to get ready for their over night at Auties house. We did a great date night (read blogs below). I finally crawled into bed last night about 1am and I was miserable. I missed my babies. The older kids go to DA's every other weekend, so I am kinda use to them leaving...but Laney...I tossed and turned all night. I don't think that I slept 1 hour straight. When I woke up I heard the rain pounding my window...ugh! I hate the rain when everyone is not home. About that time the phone rang. A few minutes later Dean came in our room to get dressed. Auntie had called and her son was not feeling well so she asked could we come and pick the kids up. YES! I mean no! I hate my cousin was sick, but I was glad my kiddies were coming home!

When Dean got back I got more of the story...

Seems like I was not the only one that did not sleep last night. My little Laney Bugg decided that she was not so happy with not being home in her crib. She kept Auntie up...all night. WOW! That has never happened in our house. Since she was 2 1/2 months old she has slept through the night and never wakes up. I like to think she just missed her mommy, but I think she really missed her bed. So when they walked in the door she took a bottle and crashed.

I tried to. It didn't work. I would get almost asleep and something (or someone) would wake me up. I finally gave up. By this time patty cake princess had awoke. She was in a much better mood! Such a much better mood she started getting into everything! She has perfected this crawling business and she is on to bigger and better things. Namely anything she can get her hands on! Umm, this is not exactly going to work. While other people are home I can get things done, but when it is just the 2 of us I cant even go potty. So we busted it out..the baby jail. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I am happy to say that so far she has accepted this and actually enjoyed being in the jail...for a little while. Heck, that is all I am asking for right now. Enough time to pee and make a frigging sandwich!
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So we cleaned a little, read the paper, watched football. Chief went to the store (how great is he!). He even came back and cooked some awesome chili. I did a bizzillion loads of laundry. I have 3 bizzalion more to do before Thursday. I did take a little time to let the kiddies make some cookies. Pull apart, I am not patient enough right now to do the whole "cookies from scratch" dealy. They turned out pretty decent.
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We ended the day with eating dinner and Ansley said the funniest thing..."Mama you should never mix your peas in your mashed potatos. It will look like a fluffy white cloud with boogers!"

I hope yall all had a great Sunday!!!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Movie Theater Rants

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Tonight my wonderful husband and I had a date night! Yeah for us! This is not something that we do even every so often. I think this is the second date night we have had since LC was born. So needless to say, we were pumped! We packed up all the kiddies, that is a major feat, and took them to my aunts. God bless her for wanting to keep my Indians, while the chief and I had some ALONE time. We dropped them off at 5 for a 6 o'clock movie. By the time we went over schedules and kisses and hugs we got out of there at 5:15. So we are off.

My super smart husband purchased our tickets through Fandango. Did you know that you can print them at home and did not even have to make a stop at the kiosk? That is way cool, and a very important thing for impatient people like us. Badda Bam! $10 per ticket. Hence why I never go to the movies. I hate that sticker shock. However, this was for New Moon...the movie that I have been waiting for 2 1/2 months to see. So we swallowed the pill. Then we get to the pop corn stand. Badda Bing! That is another cool $20 bucks. Ugh! We NEVER do this. The closest we get to is the dollar movies. Which by the way is $ 1.98 now! It is OK, we have a great sitter and it is just the two of us for one night only, so let's get this party started.

I must say that the theater we went to has seats that rate about a 7. You know the kind that about 1/2 through your ass is on fire. Hey this is a step up the $ 1.98 movie you don't even get through the previews before your booty is crying. The previews we kinda cool. Nothing that I would ever spend anything near what we paid for this outing, but not a total zzz fest either.

Then it happened...here comes the RANT. This woman walked in with 4, count them 1, 2, 3, 4 kids. The oldest was MAYBE 5! The youngest was barley a hip child. OMGosh! So naturally when the lights went down the baby started squalling. It is not the babies fault! Please don't post any hate. The baby should not have been there. I am sorry, but if I get a sitter for my 3 kids to go spend the evening with my husband and shell out $20...I don't want to hear your kid crying. I love kids! However, you should never put a child in a situation that they are not going to enjoy and it is going to annoy the people around you...sorry.

To make the situation worse we were sitting 2 rows back and to the left of the mother. She text messaged the ENTIRE movie. Every time she would open her phone (which the back light must have been cranked up to 15) it would shine right in our eyes. Do you know how distracting that is? Ugh!

So let's review. Movie that cost too much. Popcorn and coke that cost too much. Screaming infant. Topped off with a stupid bitch that would not stop playing with her effin cell phone...damn we should do this again more often!

Anyway, the movie was great (read review below). Dean and I were able to spend some quality time together. Next time I think we will wait for the DVD...unless it is Eclipse! LOL

New Moon Review

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I must admit I was totally disappointed in Twilight. I was very skeptical over New Moon, but I jumped on the band wagon...and I am sure glad I did! This movie ROCKS! I was captivated from the first to the last minute. If you are normally a "wait for the DVD" kinda person I say this is worth the bucks shelled out. The story stayed true to the spirit of the book and the special effects were good. I think if you see this on the small screen you will loose some of the effects. The only hookie effect was when they first introduced the wolves. They were trying to capture the vast size and they kinda look strange, but not a deal breaker. Remember, I am totally am not into fantasy. So, for me to give it five stars it is really good.

I am happy to say I am still on Team Edward, although Jacob did give Eddie a run for his money. The screen writers did a great job of making us love all of the characters. It didn't hurt that Jake had a rockin set of abs (all the ladies in the theater gasped when he took off his shirt...I am not exaggerating). That was the most skin that was shown, and no bad words. This movie is totally acceptable for tweens and above. I don't recommend for younger kids, just because of the content with the vamps and wolfs.

I say, MUST GO!! It totally rocks!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Candy Cane Brownies

I am going to go ahead and tell you if you have not already figured it out...I am not a a "natural" mommy. I think natural is great and all, but it is just not me. I will also tell you that I am not a great baker. My friend Betty helps me out. You might have heard of her, Betty Crocker...if she is busy (or not on sale) I go with my dude Dunkin. Anyway, I have a very wild imagination. So last week when we were walking through the grocery store I saw candy canes......my FAVORITE!!!! Then I thought, hmmm what can we do that would be cool with these candy canes? I know brownies and candy canes! I am a genius! So I get 2 boxes of canes, a box of Dunkin and some vanilla icing (yum!).
When the kids came in I said "Guess what!, Yall get to beat up candy canes!"Screams and shouts erupted, because I am the coolest mom...well kinda...Matt said "What?!?" and Ansley said "Is this one of your great ideas again?" Ugh! But they did become giddy when I actually gave them the mallet to beat the snot outta the poor candy canes!
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So they beat the heckola out of the candy canes and had a blast (cool mom, I know). Laney-Claire was involved. She was watching from her walker. She is still trying to figure out how she got into all this madness. After the beatings I whipped up the brownies according to Dunkin's directions. Matt then added his bag of candy canes. This is where I messed up. I used 12 candy canes. The most you will need is 6 for a normal size box of brownies. Ansley sprayed the dish with cooking spray, and I did the dumping. Of course she did the licking.

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After the brownies were cooked to Dunkin's specifications, or I start smelling them, I put on a layer of vanilla icing. Ansley then took her bag of crushed canes and sprinkled them on top. Again, too many canes and we left some bigger chunks. I think that it would have been better if we had beat the candy canes down into more of a powder.

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Anyway, they were a little chewy...but over all pretty good. The kids and I had a blast and dorky mom wins again!

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My Laney-Claire

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Happy 8 Months my beautiful baby!

Thank You Ann Marie

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Ann Maire is the mommy that shared her totally cool 12 days of Christmas tradition! She and her family just moved into a new home and she has a wonderful blog about their trip to homeownership and DIYing! If you have a chance check it out and leave her some love!

http://whitehouseblackshutters.blogspot.com/

Thanks again Ann Marie!

12 Days of Christmas

Every year I try to do something memorable with the kids because I am a firm believer that if you focus on the gift and commercialism, that is what they will take away from Christmas. I would rather make memories. I am not saying my children do not do the whole Santa, presents thing...that is just not what I want them to remember.
The other day we were talking on our mommy board and a mommy shared a Christmas tradition that I thought rocked! It incorporates the 12 days of Christmas song in with sharing the holiday with a special family in your life.
You pick a family that means a lot to you, or may be going through a harder time (for whatever reason) this holiday season. For the 12 days of Christmas you think of clever ideas to give small tokens that go along with the song for that day. You can give it to the family, or do a ding and run so you stay anonymous.
Examples for the day 1 could be tree branch with a few pears and a cut out little bird. Day 2 could be 2 dove soap bars and 2 turtle candies.
You can get as creative as you want! This is a great idea to do with kids! The mommy that told me about this idea said that on the 12th night they would knock and not run. They had 12 of the drum stick ice creams and they would sing the whole 12 days of Christmas song! How cool is that! I can not wait to do this! I talked with the family tonight and they are so friggin excited! It is so cool for us all to bounce ideas off of each other for the days!
The family we have chosen is our next door neighbors. They are the sweetest people. When we moved here 3 months ago they came over an introduced themselves and have been great neighbors since. They have Daddy, Mommy, 5 y/o son, 3 y/o son and a new son due any day! Mommy lost her brother unexpectedly about 2 weeks ago and that has been hard on their family.
We are thinking about our days now! Dean came up with a great idea for day 1. He said we can use pear baby food since they will be having a little one soon. We are going to try to get things that the boys would like. If anyone has any ideas please comment!!
Thank you AM for this super great idea. I will keep you all up dated with pics and stories of how this goes. I hope we don't get caught!!
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I will admit it. I have a huge crush on an imaginary 100 year old teenage vampire. Isn't that normal?? According to my face book friends I am one in the sea of millions. Good thing Edward imaginary. We might have some cat fights on our hands. I am new to the whole Twilight Saga. I must admit, I never thought I would read a book about vampire and wolves and be totally bummed when I was done with the series. I wanted more damn it! Not to mention these books are geared at teens. Holy hell Twilight was for sale in Ansley's scollastic reader thing this past week. How weird did that make me feel?!

Yes, I am going to see New Moon. I never, ever go to a movie on opening weekend. This time I must. I do not want to hear about anything at all until I see it for myself. I guess I will say good-bye to my FB until I get home Saturday night. I watched the news tonight and saw the line at my local theater waiting on the midnight showing. Mostly tweens and Moms. If it is really good, and not scarey I might take Ansley next week (darn that means I will have to see it again, shucks!).

For all those that don't understand. No worries! Neither do I! I am so not into fantasy type junk, and VAMPIRES! I mean really! I think it is the innocents (no sex, no cussing) that draws me in. The whole time I was reading the books I thought I will totally let Ansley read these when she gets old enough. Ok maybe not, that would be a little nasty if we both crushed on Edward.
I will be up late Saturday night with my review. Til then...sweet vampire dreams!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Ansley Says

Those that know my oldest daughter would prolly describe her as colorful and unexpected. She was born with what my grandmother called an "old soul". She was grown from the first breath she took.
Over the years I have accumulated numerous Ansley stories. Every so often I will share these stories in "Ansley Says". These are posts that you really don't want to miss!

Todays story takes me back to Christmas 2006. Dean and I were married earlier that year so this was our first official Christmas as a family. Dean's parents live in a retirement village in Arkansas. Dean had lived in this area for a few years prior to moving to SC, so he has a heap of friends there. The opportunity opened up that we would be able to travel to AR to spend some time with his parents and friends the week prior to Christmas. This was super exciting for all of us! The kids were jacked because this would be their first plane trip!
I was so super nervous. You have to remember, Dean moved to my world so I had only met his parents a few times and only briefly meet some of his LA family and friends at our wedding. So this was a big deal for me! I wanted them to like me and the kiddies lots! I prepared for weeks. Picking outfits and prepping the kids. At night I would go to bed whining about how I wanted to go, but I didn't want to go. I really was excited, just super nervous. Contrary to popular belief, I HATE to be the center of attention.
During this same time period my gypsy friends (yes real gypsies, and I have a blog planned to tell you about them in detail that you will not want to miss) introduced me to clip on hair. Older people call them "falls". Now you have to remember I am super self conscious. I am very consertive. I wish I could just do what I like, but unfortunately (maybe because I talk about peoples poor fashion decisions) I am not a risk taker. However, after admiring one gypsies hair piece I was intrigued. I decided to give it a try.

The day of our trip came. I decided that we were going to be traveling all day and I wanted to look fabo for my very first meeting with all of this very important people in my husbands life, to wear the piece. Sigh. So I did. It did look fabo. I was happy! Until...

Dean's parents own a restruant in the retirement village. Anyone and everyone knew we were arriving that day and made it a point to be at the restruant around the time we were to arrive. The closer we got the bigger the knot in my stomach became. Dean and I reminded the kids (6 and 8 at the time) to use their manners (yes ma'am, no ma'am...all that junk). Standard instruction before going into any situation. They were bouncing in the car in anticipation of the adventure that was ahead.

We arrived at the restaurant and went in the back way so Dean could see the employees first. This meeting was just a brief exchange b/c they were all busy working. So then we walk through the swinging door to a waiting room. As we walking in (me bringin up the rear b/c I have learned that the kids deflect attention if you send them in first) there were at least 10 waiting couples. As soon as the little ones walked in they were surrounded by grandmothers. Good! My plan was working!! Ansley ran up to a grandmother and offered a great big hug. I am sure that this surprised the woman that my children were so openly loving with people they had never met. After the hug (Ansley had not even spoke at this point, she just came in and hugged) she push her head back to look at the woman in the face (while her arms were still clasped around the womans waist) and said "MY MAMA HAS FAKE HAIR". OMFG!

To say I wanted to crawl under the table was an understatement. I can't blame the child. She was playing the same game I was, deflecting the attention. I also did not specifically tell her not to tell anyone about my fake hair. Mommies listen up! Be specific. Take nothing for granted. If you do your children will out you also!

I have since taught my daughter what to say and not say, so now she saves all her littlw tween quips for family time. I look forward to sharing them with all of you!

April

Monday, November 16, 2009

Moo Moo Mommy Monday

Welp. I have to lose weight. It really sucks. I love being fat. I love food and I hate exercise. Love it,hate it. This might contribute to why I have been a fatty all my life. Oh how I wish I could love to run like the wind. Oh how I wish I could love healthy foods, cooked healthy ways.
Well apparently if you change your lifestyle my wishes can come true. Ok, so that means I have to get off my lazy butt and get moving...and stop eating. Sounds simple! Why the hell is it so hard? I will tell you why! It is an effin conspiracy! Little Debbie is a friggin bitch that is trying to kill me! She is one of the voices in my head. "April...wouldn't brownies be realllly good right now?". She will not shut the eff up either! I will tell her "Debbie, I am a diabetic. I brownies are not good for me. No, no brownies. What about a carrot?" Then the bitch gets all pissy! Have you ever dealt with a pissy voice in your head? Ugh!
"I don't want a mother effin carrot! One little brownie will not raise your sugar much! You have not even ate today! Come on let's eat a brownie."
This battle goes on and on. I never win. She always wins. Bitch.
Anyway, it is time. I have to kill her before she kills me. There aint nobody else that can run my tribe like me, so I really have to do something fast.
Enter, Moo Moo Mommy Monday. I am an avid blog reader. It is really quite a horrible addiction. During my adventures in reading blogs I found a lot of mommies have themes for certain days of the week. Well Mondays are declared my official weigh in day. So I am going to moo on over to the scale and listen to it scream as I step on..."Ahhhh I thought Debbie killed this fat bitch!"...and then post my weekly results here. I will prolly bitch about the exercise and eating every effin day, but Mondays are results day...hopefully good results.

If I skip out on Moo Moo Mommy Monday...check on me. Debbie may have me. Please help me kill her.

Anyway...happy mooing mommies!

Brother and Sister

My son and older daughter are 21 months apart. When I was pregnant with Ansley I had all the second time mommy fears about if I could love a second child as much as my first and if Matt would be jealous. All those fears slipped away so naturally and quickly once Ansley was born. They were fast friends! Ansley was constantly trying to catch up. I pegged the wrong one for jealous. If I gave Matt any attention she would have to come along and bust it up. Other then that, they played perfect...until...

I guess it was about 4 years ago when they started deciding they didn't like each other anymore. It has gradually escalated, to the hell we are in now. See the problem is that both of them think they are the boss. Each tries to boos the other, and it just aint working. These children could not be anymore opposite then they are. Ansley likes to read and watch TV. Matt like video games and music. They just do not have the same interest. The problem come in when one tries to make the other do what they are interested in. All hell breaks out. This along with just general bossing each other around makes my house sound like total looneiness.

There is a standing rule in my house. If you are reading this and your children are still in their honeymoon phase where they skip and play and want to be together all the time, listen up. Do not, under no circumstances get sucked into kid fights. They are stupid fights and there is never a right or wrong, never. I wasted a lot of energy on kid fights until I realized they were doing it to drive me nuts! The only time I get involved is if there is blood, or they are going to mess up my house.If they involve me both get in trouble. The one who did whatever for being ugly and the other child for tattling. See, the tattler is normally guilty of being ugly also, they just think they can get out of it by telling. Most altercations between my kids are not physical...oh hell no that would be way too easy. Just beat the shit outta each other and get it over with! If I hear hitting I will separate them, but I don't wanta know nuttin about nuttin that started it!
It took my husband awhile to get on my train of thought. He tried to reason with them, and teach them to work it out. Pfffttt. They are brother and sister! It is inbred in them to fight. You can not reason with unreasonable people, so don't waste your time. I am glad to say that he has caught on and is a much happier person! LOL

This brings me to today. They spent the weekend with DA. Every time they come back they are grumpy. I don't know who, or what sparked the fight but they decided to have this battle of (stupid) word at dinner. Sigh. I really do try to understand, but it is on a different level. My brain does not go there. Anyway, I tried to talk around it, tell em to shut up and finally separate them. I told them if they did not shut up I was going to make them hug for 10 minutes. Muuuhahhahha That lasted for about 3 minutes and here came Matt. Ok fine, I let him speak...tell me all the evils Ansley has ever done. Then I let her speak. Same song and dance. Basically, Matt sucks. Then they started back up again. So I told them that they were not allowed to speak to each other for a week. (Mouths flew open) What?? I said if the two of you can not be kind and respect each other you should not talk and I am putting yall on talking restriction. No talking to each other until Friday after school. (Another look like I have 3 heads and a 4th is growing while I spoke).
Matt: We are not that mean to each other.
Ansley: What if I break my arm?
Me: Just tell him to call me you broke your arm.
Ansley (tears wellin in her beautiful brown eyes) So all I can say is I broke my arm, I love you, call mama.
Me: no you can just tell him you broke your arm and to call me.

You would have swore I licked the red off their candy. Man, that damned ole mama threw them a curve ball. Anyway, they are not on talking restriction. I just told them they need to be nice and respectful or they would be. That's not cool to them. See they are brother and sister...and best friends.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bibles, Elevators and Drunks

Sundays are made for family. I love Sundays. Today I have spent time reflecting on some of the funny things that have happened to us as a family. I have decided to share this with all of you. I have to tell you that it was very hard to pick a story, because it seems like the 5 of us can find some kinda trouble and not be looking.

In April we decided to take a short vaca to Myrtle Beach. I had been on bed rest for the better part of 9 months, and the kids and Dean had been so great through the whole pregnancy. I thought we could all use a weekend getaway.

I should preface this story with a little back ground on my son. He was born to be a preacher. He started having church and preaching to Ansley naked Barbies when he was about 4. There have been several times that I have went in his room and he and Ansley would be playing church and he had her on the floor trying to “heal” her. He frequently carries a bible with us on outings.

Well on this particular trip I decided that 9 months is just too damn long to go without a drinky poo. So we went to the Hard Rock CafĂ©. While there I enjoyed an adult beverage and that opened a whole conversation about alcohol, and the proper times and the proper ways it is to be used. We have an open relationship with the kids. As long as they ask a question respectfully, they may ask anything they want. We gage answers to the level that they are on, but we don’t lie. Dean and I believe that it is ok to take a drink every so often, just not become a drunk. Anyway, this was the main topic of conversation at the dinner table.

It was a little late when we got back to our hotel so the parking lots were full and our only option was the parking garage. Well, this is an awful option to Matt. One, he is scared to death of elevators and number two he is scared to death of parking garages. So a parking garage elevator just spins him right out of orbit. I could feel his anxiety level creeping up with each level we climbed. Naturally, we could only find a spot on the top level. As we were getting out of the car I was steadily reassuring him that nothing was going to happen, we were going to be fine. He jumped out and said “Well, I am taking my bible”. Okedokey cowboy, whatever makes you happy and will make you stop whining.

As we approached the elevator he got closer and closer to me. I was steadily telling him that it would be ok. Well as I stepped on I noticed a teenage girl behind me and I held the elevator. Then she held it for the rest of her family. Wow. My tribe of 5 (with a baby stroller) and the 3 in the other family made for a tight squeeze in the tiny elevator. I strategically place Matt in the back corner next to me. As the elevator choked and groaned I could here him whimper. Before I even thought what I was saying I said “Read your bible son. Jesus will take care of us.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth I caught Dean trying to conceal a chuckle. When we got off the elevator I thought, damn what bible thumping freaks must we have looked like.

While still reeling over the events in that elevator we moved on into the hotel and to the next elevator fiasco, and a fiasco it was! As we approached the hotel elevator I notice a highly intoxicated woman waiting on the elevator and talking to a friend. Having just had a good learning discussion a dinner, I decided that this would also continue the learning experience (not to drink in excess). I pointed her out to the kids and while normally I would have waited for the next elevator, I decide that we could share so they could truly see how stupid people act when they are drunk…boy did I get more then I bargained for. As we were stepping on the elevator I started to understand the dynamic between the two women. The sober lady was sending the drunk (very drunk) lady to her room…alone. Mind you this woman was total toast. So nice person that I am (???) offered to make sure she got to her room. Sober lady was glad to push drunk off onto me! She tells me what room and the doors close and we are on an adventure in drunk land!

This particular hotel has closed circuit TVs in the elevators. Well as soon a drunky poo got on she started rambling about how her daughter was going to be on that TV. Ok, yeah…so we all watched (while Matt clutched his bible to his chest). When we arrived to the floor her daughter still had not came across the TV. So we wait, and wait, and wait…Dean started eyeing me and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was…this lady is nuts! Thank God about that time a picture of her daughter flashed on the screen. It was her birthday, so drunky poo had bought an ad. Whew! I was seriously mentally trying to figure out how to get this kooky lush off the elevator if that damn picture had not came up.

So after we saw the picture she told me that we HAD to meet her daughter and wish her a happy 18th birthday. Oh boy! This lady can not even stand the freak up! So we get off the elevator and start to walk to her room. I was like ok this will be ok. We will get to her room and I the daughter will come to the door- happy birthday, here is your drunk mama…have a nice life. Ummm no, didn’t quite go like that. First thing is we are walking down the hall and she starts talking about how nice I am to walk with her to her room. Well stupid ass me says something to the effect of “well I understand. I have been drunk before”. Oh hell! You would have thought I doused her with kerosene and lit a match. “I’m not FUCKING drunk”….oh shit. “Oh, no no no! I didn’t mean YOU were drunk. I am just saying I have been drunk before.” So that calmed her down since I understood she was not drunk.
At this point Matt is walking behind us holding the bible OUT! Like he was warding off evil sprits. I looked over my shoulder and I about died! Naturally, Ansley is marching right along beside me. I ain’t going nowhere without her.

So we get to her room and I am thinking “Thank God this is almost over”. Then I here her say “You have to tell my daughter happy birthday”. Shit. So she puts the key card in the slot and just stands there looking at it. “It’s broke” , she proclaims! Oh hell! I take the card from her and open the door to a very dark room. Yes! Daughter is out partying so I don’t have to wish her a happy birthday and I can get the hell out of here. “Oh it looks like your daughter is out…oh well tell her we said happy birthday”. HA! “Oh she is here, she is JUST ASLEEP”! Oh no, no, no! I don’t wanta go in there! Shit. Shit. Shit.

I look back and Matt is ½ way back to the elevator and Dean had the baby in the stroller a good 10 feet back. So what do I do? Well naturally I walked my ass in her room, with Ansley in tow. How in the hell do I get myself in these situations? So we go in the room and only the TV was on. Mama stood at the end of the bed shaking daughters (who BTW is spooning with her boyfriend!) feet. “Brittney! Brittney! Happy birthday baby girl!!! They came to tell you happy birthday!” Shit. “Oh yes Brittney, happy birthday! We saw you in the elevator!”…how fucking lame is that shit! “So anyway, happy birthday…get ya some sleep!” Baby girl must expect this shit from her boozing mommy. She was like “Ok, thanks! Thanks for getting my mom to her room!!!!!!!!!”


Time for the quick getaway, right…nope. So drunk mommy follows us to the door and she loves us now, loves us to death. She wants us to come back tomorrow and we will have great fun. She starts hugging all over me and then grabs Ansley. I died when she told Ansley “I love you”, and Ansley just looked at her like she was nuts and said “I, er…ummm…love you too???” Matt was gone. He and his bible had checked out. They both were waiting at the elevator. He was so stinking mad at me! “Mama! You went in her ROOM! What if she got you? Did you hear her say she wasn’t bleeping drunk? I thought she was gonna hit you.” He just went on and on all night. I will admit, it was a drunk lesson that went a wee bit too far. However, the next morning at breakfast was priceless!

We were at the hotel restaurant enjoying a fabo breakfast. Well about time to leave, they spotted her! Oh shit! They wanted me to go over and talk with her. I tried to explain that the woman did not even know who I was and would not remember the night before. My daughter in true smart ass fashion said “Well mama, she said she loved us.”

So note to self…don’t try to teach my children lessons about drunk people with live subjects. You never know what you might get…or where you might end up.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

My wonderfully smart ass almost 8 month old!

Its official! Laney-Claire is a smart ass! I knew this day would come, but I thought it would be a little later then 8 months.
See, since she has become mobile she now thinks her shit don't stink. She can go anywhere and do whatever. She likes it (thumbs up on face book). She dislikes when I assert my parental authority. Apparently she did not read the entire family handbook that states mama is the queen of all and must be obeyed.
This brings me to nap time yesterday. Since she was a tinyiney baby she has been a fabo naper. Prolly a little too go, mama never gets anything done because the rule is you sleep when the baby sleeps, right? Anyway, in light of her new found abilities, she does not want to nap. Ha! Napping is for Babies! She is not a BABY! She is a mobile shit getter inner. So, needless to say, she was not going down with out a fight. On my 10th trip in her room to tell her ass it is friggin night night time and she needed to lay her ass down and go to sleep, it happened! She cut her eyes and gave me an eat shit look like I was a total idiot and she was not laying down and she was not going to sleep. Oh no she didn't! No she did not just give me that look at 7.5 months old! I flipped her ass over and told her "Oh no you aint gonna look at me like that! Have you lost your damn mind! Turn your little ass over, get your bear and go to sleep! Now!". Guess what! She did!
I don't understand why the people that live with me like to see me show my ass. I try to be super nice "you need to go to sleep" mommy. Does that work? Hell no! They like the queen bitchy!
Anyway, the nap was short. I won though! Now I know that she is truly one of us! Scary thought! LOL

Friday, November 13, 2009

Flo, you may go!

Yall might as well get use to my monthly bitching about my gift from mother nature,aka Aunt Flo. I use to be one of those women that would scoff at whiney asses that cried about their periods. Ummm, then the bitch thought it was funny to put the wham bam on me. Let this be a lesson...if you laugh at others, inevitably you will walk in their shoes. So now I have 2 days a month where I am totally worthless! Totally! Nothing helps (except the hard shit). So I don't even bother. I just lay in bed and dream about snatching my ovaries out.
During this time my mind tends to ponder the mysteries of "Aunt Flo". First I wonder how did she become my aunt! I mean, is she my mama's sister? My daddy's brother's wife? If you are from Alabama is it your "aunt/cousin/sister/step mommy Flo"? Second, I don't think it is fair to the Flos in the world. I mean EVERYONE (women and men alike) hate Aunt Flo. Even little children learn quickly when the bitch is visiting. Mommy turns into a raging ball of hormones.She eats everything in site and is a mean lunatic!
Third, who the fuck named this bodily function after a real name. It aint like when we go poo we say I am going to take a wiff of Uncle George. I mean really! The thing that blows me away is the Flo is universal! You can tell anybody, any where that "Aunt Flo" is visiting and they know what it means! I mean did they teach this in school at some point? How the hell does everyone fucking know!
Anyway,a quick story. My ex's mother sits with elderly folks that have dementia. Well there was this one very wealthy refined southern woman named Mrs. White. Well when Mrs. White had enough of you, or got pissed of she would declare "You may go!". That is what I am saying to Auntie Flo! I don't wanta see you no more! We have had our hay day,and I have 3 beautiful children. Your services are not necessary any longer. Isn't there some sophomore sitting in english class begging for you to visit them? You may go!

Adventures with a sleep walking child

I have a sleep walker. A serious sleep walker. One that has actually escaped from the house (DAs, not mine) in the middle of the night. Scary shit. Over the years he has gotten better. Now he just scares the crap out of me every so often.
That brings me to tonight. Picture this (in my best Sophia voice)- I am laying in bed working on my blog. I hear thump, thump, thump...here he comes. He springs through my door like his ass is on fire, runs to my side of the bed and we had the following exchange:
Matt: mama,ummm,mama, ughh, ummm
Me: what's wrong son
Matt: mama, umm, I need, ummm,mama
Me: what do you need son
Matt: ummm, I need, I need, ummm, Ansley's password.
Me: Ansley's password? Why?
Matt: MAMA! I need Ansley's password!
*gotta love it when a sleep drunk gets pissed at ya!
Me: Matthew, you do not need Ansley's password.
Matt:MAMA! I NEED ANSLEY'S PASSWORD!
Me: WHY? And her password to WHAT!
Matt:face book, b/c I want it. Me: get your ass back in bed!
He takes off back to his room. I am right on his heels. He slams his door and locks it!
Me:(knock) open this door!
Matt: what? Huh?
Me: open this door!
Thump thump thump
The door opens and he looks at me like I have totally lost my mind!
Matt: what?
Me: why did you lock the door?
Matt: huh? Who was that knocking?
Me: OMG! Get in the bed!
Matt: (still looking at me like I am off my rocker) what?
Me: GET IN THE BED!
He gets in the bed. I reach over and take his glasses off. Matt: what are you doing?
Me: the hula, wanta join?
Matt: what?
Me: lay down and go to sleep Matthew, good night.
Matt: good night.

This is my adventure tonight in sleep walking!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

CMA Thoughts

So I am going to do this by bullet points so hopefully I will not ramble!

• Taylor's opening number was...ummm...well it sucked. Love Taylor, hate that act. Maybe I just didn't get it. Ansley watched with me and she didn't get it either. Maybe her target is somewhere between 9 and 32. She totally redeemed her cute little self the rest of the night. 15 is an awesome song and when she won entertainer of the year I wanted to cry with her. <3 Taylor!

• Carrie's outfits were great, well minus the sparkly under britches outfit. I like the song, but I don't get the whole channeling Madonna vibe. All that was missing was the cone titties. I still heart Carrie, just not her stylist so much.

• Brad was his normal cutie self. I could just eat him up. Him and his cutie little family! I am glad he won male vocalist of the year. BTW when is George Strait gonna retire? All his friggin songs sound the same now. Love him, he is great, but either he needs a new sound or move on cowboy.

• Tim McGraw, sigh. Huge disappointment. I hated his song. Hated it. If that was a come back he needed to stay where he was. On a positive note, I am super excited about his movie and think he will rock it!

• Faith, get an effin brush. I mean really. I know you are just there b/c Tim is promoting his movie. Us country music fans have not forgot your nasty little stunt a few years ago when Carrie won female vocalist. We don't like you, you don't like us...but you need to respect! Brush your damn hair.

•One last note about the production. It sucked. They did not have the sound right for anyone and I hated all of the performers had the friggin words to the songs behind them on screens. What the hell was it? Some jacked up karaoke? Note to ABC, go a different route next year.

Back to life, Back to reality

Yeah! I am all better! I took Tuesday off also and slept all friggin day-all day! Dean told me I needed to get better b/c he was bored and ready to go back to work. Since Laney-Claire has became so mobile you get very little done. Very. Little. She can get around quick as a whip, so if you are not right there something could happen. This equals boring on some levels. Today was not that bad. I enjoyed watching all the Veterans Day stuff on Fox News (yes, I am that kinda person). So my day progressed lovely, UNTIL I went to get the big kids from school. In my world some days are good and some days are bad...well today was bad, for my son.
He received his signed papers today. I am going to say I know I am tough. I expect good grades. I care. I mean my kids don't get spankings or sent to bed without dinner for bad grades, but "extras" are taken away. Anyway, he got a D on his vocab test. He got a D, A FRIGGIN D! On spelling? Oh hell no! So I tell him he has to write the words 20Xs and no over nights until next weeks grades (a side note, he is going to DAs this weekend, so he would not have over nights this week anyway, it just sounded good). I could almost see his relief. Matt does not have a poker face, or mouth. He then mentioned something about phone restriction--ahhh! I can see clearly now the rain is gone! This past week he has been attached to the phone. On Saturday night (while he was at an overnight) a little girl called. Ding, ding, ding...we have a winner. So I quickly added to the punishment that if he received another D he would be on phone restriction until report cards.
WTH! He is 10 effin years old! I should not be fighting the "girls" monster yet! Ugh! I am not happy with the situation. (What I am about to say is MY OPINION). I do not think that little girls should call little boys. There, I said it. I am my grandmother. I informed my older daughter of this on the way to the grocery store (that tells you how thick it got at home if I volunteered to go to the market). She does not agree. I hope one day she will see it my way and understand that no daughter of mine will be chasing a boy. That's it. Case closed. If a boy likes my daughter, he can call her and talk to her politely. And she will act like a lady, not a dog in heat.
Anyway, she still does not understand. One day she will. When I got home I sat down with both of them and laid down rules.
1. Ansley can not talk to boys on the phone at all. (For 21 months she pointed out. She hates it when Matt is allowed to do something and she isn't).
2. There is a 15 minute time limit on talking to the opposite sex.
3. If your grades drop, no phone.
4. No play dates with the opposite sex. Don't even ask.

These seem reasonable for 10, right?

Ok I am sleepy. I will be back tomorrow with my CMA thoughts. Here is a sneak peek--Faith Hill, buy an effin brush!

Monday, November 9, 2009

I hate being sick

There is something wrong with me. I am not sure what, but I feel like poopie. Just mainly achey and have a fever that comes and goes. It sucks being stuck in the bed all friggin day. What really sucks is I missed Matt's DARE graduation. Dean took the whole tribe. What a sweet guy! I also hate not being able to hold my baby. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. Dean has to go to work tomorrow, so I have to take my chances with giving whatever this is to LC. Christmas is coming way too fast! I need it to be August!

I will be back tomorrow. Hopefully to my normal smartass self. Time to get ready to watch Chelsea and get all the MON, NOV 9, 2009 on my celebs. Night all!
Hey everyone! I am finally doing this blog thing that I have been thinking about for awhile. I started with face book about 6 months ago and I realized after changing my status 10 times a day that I have a lot of stuff to say. Most of if is totally useless junk, but it is in my head and must escape. A little about me. I am a stay at home mom (SAHM). I am married to a wonderful man and have 3 wonderful children. Everything I write about is from my real life, and this ought to be interesting. My name is April and I am 32 y/o. I have lived in the South all of my life. I was an only child until I was 11 years old. That is when my bother, Jeff (aka Cookie) was born. My parents divorced when I was 13 y/o. My dad is a jerk and my mother is looney as hell! I married as soon as I graduated from HS. Well, naturally that didn't work out! Two years and a lot of heartbreak later I asked for a divorce. Here I was 20 y/o and could do anything in the world, and what do I do? Get married again. Sigh. I got married to my first boyfriend I ever had. The ink was not even dry before I was swooped up into his world where he would take care of me and we could have a family...blah,blah,blah. We did have children. Two totally awesome, smart, beautiful children. First a son, Matt, who is 10. Then a daughter, Ansley (Lulu), who is 9. I am not going into all the nitty gritty parts, but my ex is friggin nuts, and a true dumb ass. We refer to him as DA in real life, and that suits him here also. DA and I were married for 8 long years. Three of which I tried to escape his crazy ass. I was soooo done with men. I ment it! I did my wild thing when DA and I split. The bar scene is only cool for a little while. I knew I could stand on my own feet and I did then BAM, here he came. My prince. I could get all sappy and gross, but I won't. My husband, Dean,and I have the perfect relationship for us. We understand each other, and allow us to be who we are. We married in 2006 and welcomed a daughter, Laney-Claire (Toot) in March 09. So why am I starting a blog? Well I use to work and I had the opportunity to get all this crap outta my head. Now I can only tell Katie. She doesn't really care. She is too busy trying to figure out what she is going to get into next. This blog is things that happen, my thoughts, and reviews. I have an opinion about everything! Sometimes good, sometimes not. My favorite line from a movie is "You know what they say. If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me". That is from Steele Magnolias, the best chick flick. That kinda sums up who I am. I am not really mean, all the time. I do gossip. I love reality TV. It is like watching a train wreck. You shouldn't be watching, but you can't stop. I am not really Earthy and eco friendly. I need to do better. I have a VERY smart ass sense of humor. I talk (and type) southern. I say what I think, most of the time. If you don't want to know what I think, don't ask. I am super shy, but no one knows it. I love God and my family above all. I am Catholic. I am center-right. I am pro military and the granddaughter of a veteran that served in 3 wars. I support the troops, and their families. I hate ignorance. If you speak of something I think you must know what you are talking about. It is ok, and better, to say "I don't know". All people are different. I embrace all cultures and beliefs. They may be different then mine, but I respect all. I can not stand arrogant people. Lord, there is so much about me. I guess you will get to know me through my posts.
Ok, so I have written enough that you prolly thing I am totally stuck on myself! I look forward to blogging! See yall around!