Mama is on the Potty: Adventures with a sleep walking child

WELCOME! COME IN AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!

I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.

I AM CRAZY! I AM SNARKY! I AM CRASS! I AM A SMART ASS!

Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Adventures with a sleep walking child

I have a sleep walker. A serious sleep walker. One that has actually escaped from the house (DAs, not mine) in the middle of the night. Scary shit. Over the years he has gotten better. Now he just scares the crap out of me every so often.
That brings me to tonight. Picture this (in my best Sophia voice)- I am laying in bed working on my blog. I hear thump, thump, thump...here he comes. He springs through my door like his ass is on fire, runs to my side of the bed and we had the following exchange:
Matt: mama,ummm,mama, ughh, ummm
Me: what's wrong son
Matt: mama, umm, I need, ummm,mama
Me: what do you need son
Matt: ummm, I need, I need, ummm, Ansley's password.
Me: Ansley's password? Why?
Matt: MAMA! I need Ansley's password!
*gotta love it when a sleep drunk gets pissed at ya!
Me: Matthew, you do not need Ansley's password.
Matt:MAMA! I NEED ANSLEY'S PASSWORD!
Me: WHY? And her password to WHAT!
Matt:face book, b/c I want it. Me: get your ass back in bed!
He takes off back to his room. I am right on his heels. He slams his door and locks it!
Me:(knock) open this door!
Matt: what? Huh?
Me: open this door!
Thump thump thump
The door opens and he looks at me like I have totally lost my mind!
Matt: what?
Me: why did you lock the door?
Matt: huh? Who was that knocking?
Me: OMG! Get in the bed!
Matt: (still looking at me like I am off my rocker) what?
Me: GET IN THE BED!
He gets in the bed. I reach over and take his glasses off. Matt: what are you doing?
Me: the hula, wanta join?
Matt: what?
Me: lay down and go to sleep Matthew, good night.
Matt: good night.

This is my adventure tonight in sleep walking!