If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time you will know that I am totally random. One minute I a talking about psycho teachers and the next I have sweet posts about my kids and how I am trying to be a good mom and teach them how to be up standing people...yeah. Such as my life, I have 2 blog personalities. Sweet Mommy and Bad Mommy.
Bad Mommy does have some influence over the kids. They really like her when she dances around like a drunk chicken or laughs at something someone is wearing on TV (or in person). I try to have a mix of Sweet/Bad Mommy. Sometimes Bad Mommy gets a little more raunchy with her posts, and that brings me this post. If you like Sweet Mommy, this might not be the post for you.
That all being said, let's shoot the poo.
There comes a time in all relationships that you are totally comfortable with you partner. Issues arise over time and you have to deal with them. Like after you have been dating for 6 months and you take a huge dump in your boyfriends bathroom. I mean one that no amount of fabreeze will cover up. You can do one of 2 things. Walk out and act like your eyes are not watering or you are choking on your own stench, or walk out and say "Damn, I blow the mother effer up!".
See I am the kinda girl that does not ignore elephants in the room, esp if they have just stepped in 25 pounds of shit. Dean appreciates my candidness. I like to think my honesty mixed with poo smell is what made him fall madly in love with me!
This is a 2 way street. When you open poo up for discussion, be prepared...men LOVE to talk about shit! LOVE IT! The stinkier, the more impressive. It really is sick.
This brings me to my words for pooping. Let me give you a few of our code names for matters of the poo.
Shit Baby= poo
I am sure you prolly have heard of dropping kiddies off at the pool. This is my adaptation. Normally after you have a shit baby you come out and announce how big your baby was.
"I just had a 3lb 4oz shit baby".
Delivery Room= bathroom
Delivery Rooms are any bathrooms. If you are in public and there are stalls, this is a maternity ward. I do not use Delivery Rooms in public unless 100% chance I will not make it to my home delivery room.
This, as in real childbirth, can be false labor. You just have to be careful or you can shart (shit and fart at the same time). If you are not in a delivery room, this could make for a big mess and you would be minus a pair of drawers.
Labor= the pains you get in your stomach when birth is emanate. Normally it is contractions that built. Needless to say, you better be near a delivery room.
Multiple Births= Ugh! The most irritating. It is when you have delivered and then go into labor again. I really hate multiple births!
Just so you know I am totally weird and I totally fell from a weird tree. My parents also had code words for pooping. Theirs was not near as intricate as mine (I am a total over achiever when it comes to poop). They would simply say "I am having an SA". SA= shit attack.
So yes you know I am totally fracked up. I promise not to make another appearance, nor talk about poo for a long time...maybe.