I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Monday, December 14, 2009

This Ones About Poo If you dont like to read about poo, dont read :)

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time you will know that I am totally random. One minute I a talking about psycho teachers and the next I have sweet posts about my kids and how I am trying to be a good mom and teach them how to be up standing people...yeah. Such as my life, I have 2 blog personalities. Sweet Mommy and Bad Mommy.
Bad Mommy does have some influence over the kids. They really like her when she dances around like a drunk chicken or laughs at something someone is wearing on TV (or in person). I try to have a mix of Sweet/Bad Mommy. Sometimes Bad Mommy gets a little more raunchy with her posts, and that brings me this post. If you like Sweet Mommy, this might not be the post for you.

That all being said, let's shoot the poo.

There comes a time in all relationships that you are totally comfortable with you partner. Issues arise over time and you have to deal with them. Like after you have been dating for 6 months and you take a huge dump in your boyfriends bathroom. I mean one that no amount of fabreeze will cover up. You can do one of 2 things. Walk out and act like your eyes are not watering or you are choking on your own stench, or walk out and say "Damn, I blow the mother effer up!".
See I am the kinda girl that does not ignore elephants in the room, esp if they have just stepped in 25 pounds of shit. Dean appreciates my candidness. I like to think my honesty mixed with poo smell is what made him fall madly in love with me!
This is a 2 way street. When you open poo up for discussion, be prepared...men LOVE to talk about shit! LOVE IT! The stinkier, the more impressive. It really is sick.

This brings me to my words for pooping. Let me give you a few of our code names for matters of the poo.

Shit Baby= poo
I am sure you prolly have heard of dropping kiddies off at the pool. This is my adaptation. Normally after you have a shit baby you come out and announce how big your baby was.
"I just had a 3lb 4oz shit baby".

Delivery Room= bathroom
Delivery Rooms are any bathrooms. If you are in public and there are stalls, this is a maternity ward. I do not use Delivery Rooms in public unless 100% chance I will not make it to my home delivery room.

Contractions= gas
This, as in real childbirth, can be false labor. You just have to be careful or you can shart (shit and fart at the same time). If you are not in a delivery room, this could make for a big mess and you would be minus a pair of drawers.

Labor= the pains you get in your stomach when birth is emanate. Normally it is contractions that built. Needless to say, you better be near a delivery room.

Multiple Births= Ugh! The most irritating. It is when you have delivered and then go into labor again. I really hate multiple births!

Just so you know I am totally weird and I totally fell from a weird tree. My parents also had code words for pooping. Theirs was not near as intricate as mine (I am a total over achiever when it comes to poop). They would simply say "I am having an SA". SA= shit attack.

So yes you know I am totally fracked up. I promise not to make another appearance, nor talk about poo for a long time...maybe.
Bad Mommy


  1. That's funny stuff.... it seems that poop=baby.

    Funny story, when I was in labor with Hayden I didn't realize it at first (for about 30 minutes). I thought I had to poop. My poop turned out to be a 7lb, 12 oz little boy!... HA!

  2. This is some funny poo! When I was dating I used the "courtesy flush" method. You know where you flush at the exact moment the poo hits the water? It doesn't have time to stink up the bathroom that way.

  3. Almost pooed on myself from laughing too hard while reading this post. I have a post on poop too! Here it is if you want to check it out:


  4. Once you become a mom you seem to talk about the subject more freely! Naomi! I always love your posts! They are so funny and well written!
    Sonya- I did not know that. No need now, Dean is all in love with my stink...or it is my way to annoy him!
    Melissa- I have only been in poop labor. I guess that is why I have manifestied this poop baby deal. Since I had 3 c sections, i have no idea how real labor feels. But if it feels anything like some of my poops...God Bless you!

  5. Too funny!

    I'm visiting from FFF @ MBC! I'm a new follower...I'd love for you to come visit and follow me :)

    ~Shelley www.shelleysswag.blogspot.com

  6. I really hate poop and talking about it...but i don't mind reading about other peoples poopy stories. lol. Dan loves loves to talk about it and just recently had a contraction in the phone for me to hear while sitting at work. um....grosssss. gag!!