I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Devil Balls!


First I would like to say I am very sorry for the poor quality of these pictures, but I took them with my phone because I am too lazy today to actually get out my camera.

We put up our tree the Saturday night after Thanksgiving. It is always one of those things that you want to do, but you don't want to do. It is not that I wish someone else would do it. I just hate that it makes a mess and just thinking about doing it makes me cringe. The first Christmas Dean and I were together we actually put up 2 trees. We musta been feeling really good that year. Since we put up only the one sad little tree. I call it my beautiful Charlie Brown tree. See since we got 2 trees that first year we opted for the cheaper versions. Not such a hot idea now that we only put one of them up! In the years since I have always said we could go after Christmas and get a better tree...that never happens. By Christmas morning my checkbook is all red in the spirit of the holiday, so we pack up Charlie until next year.
It is a pretty tree when you stretch out all the branches to cover the huge holes. You also have to strategically place the garland around the pole so you can't see the metal. Oh well! It is our tree and the kids love it. Well...I guess.

We all have jobs on tree day. Dean is the tree hauler inner. The kids bring in the ornaments. Dean puts it together and plugs the bad boy in. He is done! The kids and I are branch separators and hole plugger uppers. I then dilly out the ornaments for them to put on the tree. I have no rules about this. The way I look at it is the tree is theirs. Back when they first started decorating I instructed them to try not to put the same color ornaments together, but that is about it.

Ansley is always super in the holiday mood. My son, not so much. See if she could decorate the tree with the play station or it has anything to do with WWE, it might be up his ally. Normally, he gets frustrated with Ans bossing him about not putting the same colors together and he tries to bail. I think he has learned the man tricks of "if I elf it up I don't have to help".

This year was not different. Ans and I spread the branches and put on the garland while he looked on. He was diggin in the ornament tub, which is a big no no, and broke a ball. This is not a surprise. None of our decorations are expensive. I will get a nice, huge , Better Homes and Garden tree when my kids are much older. I do have several ornaments that are sentimental. All 3 kids have their "First Christmas" ornament. My brother made me a Mexican ornament in Spanish class when he was in middle school...and that is about it. So, a broken ball...no big deal.

Matthew's Booties 1999


Ansley's Angel 2000


Laney-Claire's Ball 2009


This is make me get his hiney up and make him and Ans start decorating the tree. I was dishing out the ornaments left and right. I tried to dig in the tub to get different types so the tree would look colorful. I came across some ornaments that Dean and I had bought that first Christmas. He and I both love poker, and this was during the time when Hold 'em was becoming very popular. The ornaments are glass balls that have playing cards on them. Some are red and some are black. Black! My son had a true hissy fit.

Matt: Black! You can't put black balls on a Christmas tree!
Me: Why not?
Matt: Those are DEVIL BALLS!
Me: (dying laughing) No they are not! They are just poker balls.
Matt: Devil Balls! Die Devil Balls!
He is literal trying to knock them off the tree!!!!!!!!!!!! I am doubled over laughing so hard!
Matt: Die Devil Balls!
Me: Matthew! Stop! They are not devil balls.
Matt: They are black and of the devil.
Me: Well the whole tree is pagan, son!
About this time Ansley accidentally knocks a ball off the tree! You guessed it! It was a devil ball!
Matt: See Mama! They are devil balls! Now we have released the demons!!!!!

I seriously thought I was going to pee in my pants. He was running around like Benny Hinn on Speed!
"We have released the demons!"

Thank God we were almost done with the tree. He still walks by and thumps the other "devil" balls. I guess he is trying to rid the tree of all the demons!

Evil Devil Ball



  1. hahhahaha dude, the balls, they have cards, which means they are poker cards, for Texas Hold 'Em, in Las Vegas, where whatever happens there, stays there! And we know what happens there! And, it's really hot there! His reasoning is perfect!

    Thanks for visiting my blog and following! :)

  2. I seriously think I just peed myself!!! Too funny!