I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Friday, December 18, 2009

Car line b4 a holiday= good times...not

I started today with exactly 3 hours worth of sleep. I am not loving is insomnia thing. LC was a little needy, and I was a lot grumpy. Sigh.
My awesome MIL (yes, I really like her) was on her way for her week long Christmas visit. I had a mess in the kitchen to clean and the laundry monster has been kicking my ass. Ugh. Did I mention 3 hours of sleep?

I tried to be a little chipper and get some stuff done (normally I sit like a bump and think about all the things I should be doing). I went out on my porch to beat a rug. I must not go out often enough! My next door neighbors were getting in their van. They stopped and came over to chat. The first thing dude said is "You look better". (WTF! Better then what?!). Then he back peddled. "I think last time I saw you, you must have been sick". (WTF!)(Dean always tells the neighbors I am sick. Fake sick so I don't have to actually talk to them). Then he says, "You cut your hair". (No shit Sherlock! 3 effin months ago!).
"Yeah, I think I was sick. I did cut my hair. It was falling out from when I had the baby, so I figured shorter would be better for now". (Thanks for noticing dick wad).
I must admit, I prolly look pretty sick. Not the good kinda sick either. He prolly was surprised to see me. I never set foot outside. Ever. That is mostly b/c I don't want to get dressed. Lazy ass!

So anyway, after all these pleasantries (he realized I am not the total troll he thought I was) he let me know I didn't have to pick up his son from school. Ok, whatever...


This is where it gets annoying.

My childrens school has 3 pick up lines. 3. One for K5-3rd grade. One for bus riders and one for 4th and 5th. I have it set up to pick up my kids at the 5th grade line so I don't have to go through 2 lines.

Since I was picking up a K5er I told my kids to meet me at that circle, except today I didn't have to go there. I had no way of telling them so of to the little circle I went.

Now I must tell you something about the little circle. These teachers do not play. It is like Ft Knox! No joke! They have a teacher position 1/2 a block away that you have to tell who you are picking up. She then takes it all the way up the ranks (3 other teachers). By magic, when you get to the circle, your kid is there! Awesome!
So I tell officer #1 who I am there after. I get to the circle and I see Ans, but no Matt. I was in a state of confusion. So confused that I didn't realize that a teacher had opened my van and threw my neighbors kid in. "Oh! Wait! He's not mine today! His mom is a few cars back (I saw them pull around). Poor little guy was so confused! So as she is snatching him out Ans gets in. "Where is your brother?"
"I don't know".
"Did you see him?"
So now teacher is going to close the door..."Merry Christmas"...
"Wait! I am missing a kid". (She is prolly thinking OMG, I just took one out of your van now you are bitching for another one!).
About this time my friggin daughter tells the teacher (not me) that Matt went to get a book...all the friggin way across the school. (WTF! Didn't I just ask her ass that!)
She tells me to pull up to wait. Well the little circle is little! I did not want to hold up traffic so I pulled out and parked right across the street to wait. About this time my neighbors come up. I have to relive the whole ordeal with them and tell them why I am waiting. This would be person #2 that I have had to hash this story out to. I see Matt, but they will not let him walk across the road so I have to go all the way around and get back in line...and tell officer #1 what the heck I am doing. Sigh.
I finally pick up my kid! Success. Not quite!
He is freaking spazzin out! He left his fracking agenda. So the eff what! He has no HW for 2 weeks. WTF does he need a friggin agenda for? OMG! Spazzin hits a new level. "Mama! I have to have it! I will get in trouble!".
"That is just stupid! Why do you need it?"
"They said I had to or I will get a bad mark! I have to have it!"
Ok fine! Whatever! Here we go to the big circle.
"Mama! We have to hurry! They said when the door closes I will be outta luck".
We get to the big circle. Thank God there were people there. He would have piss himself! He jumps out. Then his smartass math teacher (I mean smart ass in a good way. I like this dude) comes over and says "Hey lady! We don't accept drop offs!".
Dude really! Ugh! Did I mention how ridiculous he looked?! It was pj day (and I wonder why some adults are too lazy to get dressed, oh wait...that is me). Dude had on Steelers pj's and a Steelers Santa hat. I felt like shouting "Shut up Steeler Claus". I didn't. I just told him I didn't care, I was leaving Matt there. If I had my real smart ass hat on I would have drove away and made him shat in his Steelers jammies. Muhhahhhahhaaahha!

Have I mentioned I hate the car line?

Oh and the cherry on top. I look at myself in the rearview on the way home. I almost screamed! Damn if I look better now, I must have been really close to my fake death when he saw me last!

FYI. I got everything but laundry. I contained the beast to the garage, so that is what you will find me doing tomorrow. Good times- ack!

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