I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Thursday, February 25, 2010

My Skew on the Tiger Press Confrence-Elin Style

I had a Tiger post prepped, but I held it back to be able to play along with the ladies of the Skew.


If you have a Skew on Cheetah Woods go on over and link up with the ladies.


Transcript from Elin Wood’s Press Conference

Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends, Most of you are just money grubbin tabloid journalist that have been following me around for the last 3 months on constant “wedding ring watch“. Many of you in this room know me not for my smoking hot body, but as the Swedish nanny that snagged the Tiger.. Many of you have cheered for his sorry ass, and have been real fuckers for keeping his infidelity a secret…and on some occasions aiding him in these endeavors. You can all suck it.

Some of you have been critical of me. I want to say to each of you, fuck a whore and get speckled dick syndrome. I am not responsible for anything that pathetic version of a man that I am married to has done. As a matter of fact, because of his “selfish and irresponsible” behavior, I have had to have my va jay jay examined on more then one occasion, and I have had to under go multiple blood tests.

I know people want to know why Tiger did these things. Well, the answer is simple. HE IS A MOTHER FUCKER. Just like every other man that has ever cheated on his wife. I mean, it is not rocket science people. He can get up and say that he has an addiction and all that bullshit…to that I say DUH! What man is not addicted to sex? HELLO! Then other people ask “How could you do these things to your wife and your kids?” Easy, he is a narrstic rat bastard. He only cares about himself and his little (I mean little) Tiger.

Tiger has stated that he and I are starting the process of discussing the damage caused by his behavior. I wanted to clear that statement up and say that we are discussing how that sorry mother fucker is going to pay my ass. Pay dearly, for the rest of his sorry mother fucking life.

I also want to clear up something else that he stated in his “stroke his ego like a hand job” press announcement. I did not hit him on Thanksgiving, but I beat the FUCK out of that Cadillac. I was swinging at him, but the pussy got in the SUV and tried to drive away. So, no I did not hit the cum stain, but I did want to.

I am not ruling out staying married to Tiger. However, it will be on my conditions. The first condition is that if he has sex with anyone other then me (which is not gonna fucking happen) he agrees to have acid slowly dropped on the tip of his dick until it is mutilated. Not even Rosy Palm. No one. One day, if his actions prove that he is worthy, he might be allowed to come back to our marital bed. The second condition is that I have total control for the next 14 years (one for each whore). This includes, but is not limited to, if he says something that pisses me off, or does not do what I say he will be subject to whatever I deem fit. Punishment can be anything. Like playing a major in full drag queen style.

There has been news in the media that has stated that Tiger used “performance enhancing” drugs. I am here to say, DUH! Get real people. Did you think that his guns just popped out like that over night from lifting whores? I also have a picture of his ball sack and you tell me if you think he has been hitting the roids.


Also, I want to add that “performance enhancing” drugs are not only used on the golf course. He has been on Viagra, Cialis, and Enzyte all at the same time. He can no longer achieve a natural erecting because of all of the steroids. Even while on all of these drugs, he has serious soft dick. (not a good fuck people, not a good fuck).
Don't believe me! Rachel Ucantelliamawhore is coming out with her tell all book "I've had Tiger in my tank, and I felt empty". Nuff said.

I also want to let all of you know that today I am going to buy the biggest, bad asses Hummer type car that I can find. If you mother fuckers do not leave me and my kids alone I am going to ram your asses off the road. I am also going to buy one bad mother fucker of a trained watch dog and if you come near my house you are going to have your balls removed by his razor sharp teeth. Enough. Leave me the fuck alone!


I have started a new blogy for all of my shit box (TV) talk. If you get a chance come over and check it out.


  1. You had me totally cracking up. Love all the names you called him. He deserves them all.

  2. I read back through it an thought, dang I was harsh...but I was thinking what I would say if I were in her shoes (and I could say whatever I wanted).

  3. Now that's a press conference! LOL

  4. See? I woulda watched that press conference.

    You should be a speech writer


  5. Thanks! That is what my husband says every time I chew his ass.

  6. Funniest thing I have read in a long time. You should get a job as a writer for a TV show!! It might have to be on cable due to content but I would watch it!!! LOL!!