I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Thursday, February 11, 2010

Good ole Birds and the Bees....

When people learn that my older children know all about sex they often seem mortified. Trust me, I was also. I knew that I would have to have the “birds and the bees” (Does anyone’s parents actually ever tell them about birds and bees? That is kinda a lame metaphor. I mean they don’t do it in any way shape or form like we do it. Why is it called that?) but I did not figure it would be at the local Mexican restaurant.

Yes, the local Mexican place is where my kids learned what procreation is all about. I guess I should give you a little back story.

One sunny afternoon my whole family and I were on the way to have dinner at our local Mexican place. As we were tooting along my ears quipped up to a conversation my children were having in the back seat. Matthew was in 3rd grade (9 years old) and Ansley was in the 1st (7 years old).

Matt: I know what sex is.

Ansley: So do I.

Matt: You do not! What is it then?

Ansley: You don’t know. You just want me to tell you. You tell me and I will tell you if you are right…smart little shit

Matt: It is when a man PEE PEES is a woman’s MOUTH

Ladies and Gentleman I near about died right there riding in that truck. How could such vile things come out of my children’s mouth? Just the day before they were playing Blue’s Clues and Dora was taching them spanish. How could this happen?

I know. It is that damn school. Listen up folks of little kiddies. School teaches much more then Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. Your kids will learn about all the things that you have been trying to not teach them. How, I have no idea. I mean, don’t all parents shield their kids and not talk about such things as the S E X word? Apparently not. Listen to your kids, talk to your kids! You do not know what kinda shit these little asshole kids are teaching your young!

So I sat there contemplating how exactly I wanted to handle this situation. I had several options. I could ignore it. I could confront them and tell them they are not suppose to talk about stuff like that. I could confront them and give them a butterflies and rainbows explanation about sex and how it is only for adults and all that shit. Or. I could tell them the truth. Hmm, the truth. I wonder how that would work out for me. Were they old enough? I mean, they apparently know that it is some type of relation between a man and a woman. They were not that far off base. Thinking…Thinking…Thinking…

We arrive at the restaurant and I still had all of the recent events weighing heavily on my mind. We were seated in a booth and our orders per promptly taken. After all the brew ha ha of getting chip, salsa and drinks I began…

***I want you all to know that Dean was unaware of the conversation in the truck, so he had no idea what was about to transpire.***

Me: I heard y’all talking in the truck. What was it you were saying about sex?

Matt and Ansley- deer in headlights look, they knew they were busted. Then they started laughing.

Me: Well? I heard what you said.

Dean: What were y’all talking about? (totally lost)

Me: What do you think sex is exactly?


Matt: When a man pee pees in a woman’s mouth


Me: That is what I thought I heard. Where did you learn this?

Matt: Some people were talking about it at school.

Me: ahhh I see. Do you think that is something nice to talk about at school?

Matt: No ma’am.

Me: Well, that is not what sex is, and if you have questions about anything you need to come to me and I will clear things up for you. Sometimes people talk at school and they get things mixed up because they really don’t know, or understand. Sex is an adult thing. Kids, especially kids your age should not be concerned with sex.

Matt: yes ma’am

Me: Do you want to know about sex? If I tell you we are not going to act silly. If you have real questions and you ask respectfully we will answer them.


Here is where I went into the mechanics of doing the deed. I also covered that this is something that married people do and it is not something for children to do or even talk about. I also told them that I did not want them to go to school and tell anyone about sex. Everyone’s parents tells them when they think their child is ready and it is not right for them to go to school talking about such things.

We covered pretty much everything that they needed to know.  Answered their questions. It actually went very well.The funniest thing that was said was when we were all done I asked if they had anymore questions. Matt said no, but he wanted to say something.


Oh, how he will change his mind!! LOL

On a funny note--------We get home out of kids ear shot and Dean say WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!! LOL

******So I had this qued for Tuesday and I did my post it notes, then Wednesday I did my Vagina Montologues so this got bumped to Thursday. Since I wrote this I have seen several news stories about Planned Parent International has came out with a new deal that they want manditory sex ed for all 10 year olds. Not the how it all works kinda education. More like the "you should do this, it feels so good".  I wanted to clear up that I do not support this. I think that sex ed should be taught at home, by a child's parents that control how, what, and when. While I did educated my children at an early age, I do not promote self exploration (do ya really have to? I mean, I didn't need any nuddging). I don't want some wacky jacky person telling my 10 year old to rub one out. I am just sayin...thankyouverymuch


  1. I also belive it should be taught at home and, unfortunately for those of us with a BRAIN, it is often out of our hands because these other IDIOT parents that are not watching their children, leave their children alone to do god-knows-what,etc,etc, are the ones teaching our kids when they are at SCHOOL, where they should ALSO be PROTECTED and SHIELDED from this.
    Can I tell you again how much i love your blog! I look forward to yours everyday. I LOVE how you tell it like it is! I may tell you everyday after I read every FABULOUS post!

  2. I think you did a great job answering their questions and being straight-forward with them! Good for you!!!

  3. That is too funny! In her mouth? I would die laughing.

    Your note at the end- WTF? 10 year olds?

  4. Thanks for the bloggy love!

    Denise- Thank you so much. Sometimes telling it like it is gets me in trouble. I have to bite my tongue a lot (A LOT!). Unfortunatly my oldest daughter has my same problem. I am often kickin her under tables to make her shut up.

    Melissa- It was one of those things that felt right for us. I don't advocate everyone to do it our way (or as young as we did). I approach being a parent as I have to tell them the truth and have the open line there so they will trust me if they have questions, or problems. Not just about sex. I try to keep it on their level, and relavent.
    I didn't add to my post, but when I found out I was PG with Laney the first thing Matt said was "EWWW! You had sex! You are gross mama!" lol

    Shell- 10 years old! I near about dropped my teeth when they said that. Then when they went on and on about how to "teach the pleasure of sex to a child" WHAT THE FUCK! I have known many people and I have never once been told that "I wish my teacher would have told me about how good sex feels". how about we teach kids how good it feels to go to school and learn and achive so they cane get good jobs?

  5. Girl me and my son's dad had a deal, when my son started his period I'd have the "talk" with him, until then...Dad was responsible for the "talk!" (Since we all know my son was never going to have a period it was a good deal for me lol!) When he was 12 I called his Dad and said "It's time!" Well Dad didn't agree, he thought he was too young.

    So of course I did what any good Mom would do! I had the talk, I bought the condoms, I explained how to use them. And from that day on ever 6 months I would change the condoms in his wallet.

    He don't know nuttin bout birthin' no babies! Ok so he does, but he aint makin' me a mamaw no time soon!!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  6. omgooosh!
    Well done for how you handled it .. i will look to you when kailin is older lol

  7. Why don't you come over to my house and have The Talk with my kids. I'm scurred.

  8. I wouldn't have thought about it like you did! I woulda blown up in the car right then & there, lol. I'm bad like that! Good job!