I went over to Stir Fry and she had an awesome post today, so I figured I would copy and tell you about an interesting vacation that I have had.
Let's flip back the pages to the summer of 2002. Matt was 3. Ans was 18 months, and I was married to a dumb ass. Now when I say dumb ass, I mean DUMB ASS. I do not have the time, nor energy to explain why in the fuck I married such an idiot. I just did. I got 2 kids outta the deal. For that I am thankful.
My parents invited us to go with them to Daytona for a week. That was a great treat for us since I was a SAHM and DA did not make that much moola. Us getting to go on any kind of vacation was awesome (well as awesome as it can be married to a DA).
We did the beach and hit a dolphin experience dealy. We also went to the Meca of motor sports racing, Dayton International Speedway. I was totally stoked going there because I *was a huge NASCAR fan at the time.
One day my mother, who has a wicked sense of humor, came to me and pointed out a bar across the street from the condo. I was like big flappin deal. Oh no...this was a special bar.
Let me stop here and tell you that I love gay people. Love them. I guess it is their flamboyance, or flair. I don't know, but I would love to have a gay bestie. I have asked Dean where I might find a gay to hang with. He was no help. I came up with the idea to go to online dating sites and search men seeking men in my area. I am just not quite sure if that will work. I mean what would I say?
"Hi! I totally don't have the parts your are interested in, but I am looking for a BGFF. Are you interested?"
Yeah, I don't think that will work. My mom's bff was a gay. Unfortunately he passed. Damn him, he totally could have been my hook up. (This is all in jest people! I don't really damn him, but I am pissed he died).
Anyway, this bar was a gay bar. Who friggin cool is that? Well, wicked mother had a plan. She said I should take DA and not necessarily tell him anything other than it was a bar.
Holy shit bombs! What a fantastic idea!
I guess I should give you a little back ground on DA. You already know he is a DA. He is very judgmental and defiantly homophobic. He and I had never been to a bar together. I have never seen him drink. Yeah! Good times!
So I talk him into going. (Lord, as I write this story I am sure that I will be going to hell). We walk in and I about dropped my teeth! There were all these TVs all over the place that were playing videos of shirtles hard bodied men rubbing all over each other! It was fabulous! I could hardly contain my giggles as DA was getting checked out!!!! I have to stop here and tell you we did stick out like a sore thumb! We were defiantly the "straight" couple.
Other then the TV gyrations there was no actual dancing going on. Damn. (It had not dawned on DA that this was an alternative club). We order drinks, coke...how boring, and bellied up to the rail around the dance floor. No one was dancing, but we had great seats for the
Oh my! I about hyper ventilated when dude (do I call him a dude if he is way prettier then most women I know) came out in full drag! Hyper ventilated and shit in my pants! This guy was beautiful. Words can not describe the awe I was in. I had never seen a real live Queen before. It rocked!!!
In all my wonder I did not think to look at DA. A few minutes into the act he leans over and says "Is that a guy?"
OMFG! As if this could not get any better, it does!
I seriously thought I was going to piss in my pants. I just sat there and laughed. I did not even look at DA again for fear that I would piss in my pants.
So we sat through the first act deal and then it came time for an intermission. This older guy comes and bellies up on the other side of DA. He looked harmless. Like he was just as lost as DA was at this point. He starts talking to DA.
It was meaningless chit chat. I was not even paying much attention until dude asked if we came to places like this often. (Ears perked up). DA told him no, actually we have never been to a bar. Ok. Please let this man know that we are straight and are not looking for a good time.
Dude keeps talking. Then he jokes that we stick out as the token "straight" couple. Oh shit. Little bit more talking. Dude asks where we are staying.
Let me stop here and say DA has diarrhea of the mouth. He also would talk to a lamp post. He told our whole life story to this guy. I was sitting there about to die!
Then the guy said "I like AC/DC, do you?"
OMG! OMG! OMG!
DA said "Yeah, their great!"
Fuck me!!! No wait! Not FUCK ME! Shit!
I stood up and said "No the hell you don't! Let's go!".
DA just sat there. For a split second I thought about leaving his ass there. "We have got to go! I am worried about the baby."
He scoffed at me. I was pissing him off. He and his new friend were starting to talk about music. That was right up his alley.
"No, we really have to leave". I started to back away. He finally agreed and as soon as we got outside he started bitching.
"You Dumb Ass! He was not asking about the group ACDC! He was asking about you sexual preferences!".
Then it took me 20 minutes to explain the AC/DC electric current thing and how that was a metaphor for being bisexual. I told yall he was a dumb ass.
I am just glad to say that he is someone elses problem now! LOL