I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My letter Atlanta

Dear Atlanta Visitors Bureau-

I recently came though your fair city on a trip to visit my family in Arkansas. This was not my first trip through Atlanta. I live a mear 2 1/2 hours away and can get there in a jiffy. On the way to your city I was thinking to myself "Why don't we do this more often? We live so very close and Atlanta has huge cultural and learning opportunities for our kids. It is a super easy drive and a very easy day trip. Yes, we must do this in the new year". Then we hit your super sonic crazy ass interstate going through town. *OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS!

I must say that the drivers in your city are rather aggressive. I don't think this is a nastiness (I mean we are all from the south, so to be sure all of your citizens are purdy friendly). I think it is out of pure necessity. If you don't stick your dick out there, you will get killed. KILLED... Splat...Dead...Kinda like when Wild E Coyote would chase the road runner.

Apparently you have noticed this because as we drove we saw all kinds of signs for GAs new "Super Speeder" laws. Naturally, I was curious what exactly a "super speeder" was so I googled it on my black berry. I must say that this law is very interesting and I am wondering if you are hiring more popo to write tickets. I mean 85 on I20 is like walking the dog on a sunny spring day. If you go below 75 the car behind you is examining what you have in your back seat. I am also wondering if the name of this new law is a great fit. I mean, some people will take this on as a challenge. Like they will get a gold star along with their extra $200 fine. Hey! Maybe that is an idea! You can give all the super speeders huge gold stars so that we all know to stay the fuck away from them.

The trip on the way to Arkansas was not that bad because we were going through your city at 7am. On the way back was a horse of a different color. Have any of you actually traveled on this road. I mean really! It is like the final lap of a NASCAR race and let me tell you I think that several of your citizens believe in the term "Rubbin's Racing". I think my car has a few war stripes, I know my under ware do! (FYI I have enclose a bill for those drawers. They were my favorite pair and I totally find y'all responsible).

Now I know I am just a plain ole simple girl from Augusta, and you are prolly thinking "OMG, what a whiney baby!". I know that there are bigger cities and I know that people drive insane in those cities. I guess I just expect a little more from the capitol of the south.

That being said I have a proposition for you. A visitors lane. A lane where only visitors can travel free from fear of being mowed down by the idiot that live in your city. This actually would cost you nothing. All you have to do is convert one of the 12 lanes you currently have. Place strict fines for residents that enter the visitors lane. I can guarantee that your tourism will pick up. That is just plain out hospitality.

In closing, if you have any questions about my visit...or just want to pick my genius brains for other ideas for your city...email me. I have enclosed a few pictures of where I actually shat in my pants. If you choose not to pay me for my drawers, these will be used as evidence.



Your Snarky Tourist,
The Mama that thinks on the pot


  1. First of all, I lOVE your new title. TOTALLY true. I don't get much time on the potty these days without Delaney trying to wipe me. Loved this post- the pictures were great!

  2. Funny! I live in Arkansas... Fayetteville. I hope you found our roads more inviting and less daunting and had a great trip in the 'Natural State'!

  3. Nicole- LOL she is trying to help ya mama! Seriously, I just found this freedom. For the first 7+ years I had 2 little people who would walk in when I was on the potty or in the bath. Ans still does, and she sometimes will bring LC with her. I know my days of freedom are numbered. As soon as LC is walking well and needs to be potty trained, back to sharing my mommy on the pot time!

    Melissa- We went to HSV. I am not a fan. I like Hot Springs. The roads to the villiage are too curvy. I almost needed a barf bag. We came in on one road (hwy 5 I think). I told Dean I did not care if we had to go 3 hours out of the way I did not want to come down that road again! Next time we head that way we will have to meet up...it will be a while...my ass is still pissed at me for the 13 hour ride.

  4. I so wish you could send this letter into them! I love it!