Dear Atlanta Visitors Bureau-
I recently came though your fair city on a trip to visit my family in Arkansas. This was not my first trip through Atlanta. I live a mear 2 1/2 hours away and can get there in a jiffy. On the way to your city I was thinking to myself "Why don't we do this more often? We live so very close and Atlanta has huge cultural and learning opportunities for our kids. It is a super easy drive and a very easy day trip. Yes, we must do this in the new year". Then we hit your super sonic crazy ass interstate going through town. *OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS!
I must say that the drivers in your city are rather aggressive. I don't think this is a nastiness (I mean we are all from the south, so to be sure all of your citizens are purdy friendly). I think it is out of pure necessity. If you don't stick your dick out there, you will get killed. KILLED... Splat...Dead...Kinda like when Wild E Coyote would chase the road runner.
Apparently you have noticed this because as we drove we saw all kinds of signs for GAs new "Super Speeder" laws. Naturally, I was curious what exactly a "super speeder" was so I googled it on my black berry. I must say that this law is very interesting and I am wondering if you are hiring more popo to write tickets. I mean 85 on I20 is like walking the dog on a sunny spring day. If you go below 75 the car behind you is examining what you have in your back seat. I am also wondering if the name of this new law is a great fit. I mean, some people will take this on as a challenge. Like they will get a gold star along with their extra $200 fine. Hey! Maybe that is an idea! You can give all the super speeders huge gold stars so that we all know to stay the fuck away from them.
The trip on the way to Arkansas was not that bad because we were going through your city at 7am. On the way back was a horse of a different color. Have any of you actually traveled on this road. I mean really! It is like the final lap of a NASCAR race and let me tell you I think that several of your citizens believe in the term "Rubbin's Racing". I think my car has a few war stripes, I know my under ware do! (FYI I have enclose a bill for those drawers. They were my favorite pair and I totally find y'all responsible).
Now I know I am just a plain ole simple girl from Augusta, and you are prolly thinking "OMG, what a whiney baby!". I know that there are bigger cities and I know that people drive insane in those cities. I guess I just expect a little more from the capitol of the south.
That being said I have a proposition for you. A visitors lane. A lane where only visitors can travel free from fear of being mowed down by the idiot that live in your city. This actually would cost you nothing. All you have to do is convert one of the 12 lanes you currently have. Place strict fines for residents that enter the visitors lane. I can guarantee that your tourism will pick up. That is just plain out hospitality.
In closing, if you have any questions about my visit...or just want to pick my genius brains for other ideas for your city...email me. I have enclosed a few pictures of where I actually shat in my pants. If you choose not to pay me for my drawers, these will be used as evidence.
Your Snarky Tourist,
The Mama that thinks on the pot