I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Please excuse my fat ass...

I don't know if I am an emotional snark today because my sweet aunt (see post below) is visiting or I am just having the POMs (Poor Ole Mes) because I have super sized my ass to another zip code. I am like Eeyore today, except really pissed. Could yall imagine Eeyore pissed? O my.

"Hey Eeyore, what's wrong"

"You wanta know what's wrong? I am a fat ass purple donkey with a fucking pin on tail. Why don't you go put that in your honey pot and sit on it. And while your at it get that fucking tiger off red bull and speed".

Yeah, I don't know where the hell that came from. Back to my original post.

Last night was the premier of NBCs The Biggest Loser. I tend to avoid this show b/c it make me feel even more like a fat ass to watch it and eat a huge bowl of ice cream. However, in the wake of the new year and my new goals, I have decided that it might keep me on track. If no other time, but when the actual show is on.

While watching last nights show I was periodically checking in with my face book peeps. Why? Well, I am addicted. Several other people must have this addiction because we all were posting about TBL.

If you don't watch TBL I will give you a little recap of the first part of the show last night. They have 11 teams of people that are related. Brothers, mothers and sons, mothers and daughters...you get the drift. Well in past TBL they would go to the "ranch" and weigh in for the first time. The teams had to weigh in at their home towns in front of a lot of people. While this may not seem like a big deal since the weigh in will be on national tv anyway, it is. See, normally by the time the show airs the contestants are well on their weight loss journey to never return to that old version of them self. They had to confront their demons right there in their town with people all around. Brave shit if you ask me!

Well apparently not to everyone! A chick that I went to HS with posted this as a status (actual status).

Biggest loser is on! Could you imagine getting on a scale in front of your whole town? Yesterday at 9:05pm - via Face book for iPhone

So yeah! This is cool. Several people posted how they would be appalled, yada yada yada. Then this stupid uber bitch that I also went to HS with posted this: (actual post, but I changed her name)

Total sucky ass bitch at 9:14pm yesterdayno, but i guess if you're that big everyone already has a guess as to how much you weigh. It's not like you can hide 300 pouds

If I could virtually bitch slap this mean girl I totally would, twice.

I wonder if everyone can look at her and tell that she is a t total bitch?

Ugh! Reading that over again just pisses me off. Does she think theses people chose to wake up in the morning and be 300 pounds? FHI (for her info) I too am one of these fatties. I do not wish to be this way. I have been this way since I was a little girl.

I sure hope this chicky does not meet my good friend Karma. I bet Karma has big fat plans for this bitch.

NBC, a new show idea...The Biggest Dumbass.


  1. I feel the same way. People just don't understand that being fat is not a choice. "Just quit eating".....That's like telling a cigarette smoker or dope smoker to just stop....Yeah right!

    Love your posts by the way! I can't wait for your next one!

  2. I am of the belief that some people are just made up to be over weight. That is the only way I can explaine that you can have 2 people that are fed the same food and do the same amount of exercise and one is a skinny and one is a fattie.
    Anyone that has battled weight will tell you it is just like being a junkie and having to still having to take "hits" from whatever their vice is. You have to eat...you can't stop...I guess that is where Will Power comes in...even with his help I will never be skinny. I don't want to be at this point. Have you seen some of these celebs. Bless their hearts, they need a chicken leg and some home made mashed potatos. lol

    I am glad you get my maddness...apparently I have pissed off a follower and they dropped me a few minutes ago. Oh well! lol

  3. Amen on the chicken leg and some home made mashed potatoes....But don't forget the gravy and the fresh yeast roll!

  4. I couldn't give a rats ass if you "think" you are a fattie April....Not trying to be all cheese ballish but I love you to death the way you are. So what if you aren't a size 3 like the other B's in this world....you know how to have fun about it. Your sense of humor wouldn't be the same if you were a sz 3.

  5. Well, I am a former "fatty" LOL. I weighed 369 pounds....I had gastric bypass and lost over 220 pounds. I still struggle with self esteem and other issues from being tormented daily for over 20 years!! I also have severe health issues from this surgery (not an easy fix--REGRET doing it). I think you are hillarious, and I agree that people do not chose to be fat (I have 3 normal ass siblings who ate just like I did!!). And over weight people do not just sit around eating (that is a myth)...food just affects them differently, there body does not metabolize it correctly (kind of like it saves it instead of burning it for fuel)... Again, LOVE YA!!