I have been cruising the mommy blog directories, so I felt like I should put up a disclaimer for the new folks.


Yep! I am all of the above, with a little bit of nice rolled in for good measure (although I don’t show that often). I started this blog just wanting to shoot the shit…yes I do use potty words, they make me feel grown up (kinda)…and after 2 + months I have decided that is what I want to keep on doing. I love give away moms and PR moms rock…that is just not what I started this site for. The only thing I might give away is a small piece of my brain (I can’t afford a big piece, I would have nada left). I will dance for comments and I love followers, not just for the sake of following. If you like who I am and what I do- Follow me Bitches. If not, that is cool.

I am a non baby wearing, put your ass in a crib, drink from a bottle and a spanking you deserve is a spaning you will get mama. I DO NOT care how you raise your kid. If you want to breast feed until Junior High…that’s cool (I am gonna talk about your ass, but that is cool). No seriously, everyone parents in different ways. I parent the way I was parented and the way that 99% of the people I know were parented. I am from the south, so we tend to not be as “green” (unless you are talking about collards, I am all over that) as other regions. That does not mean I don’t respect others ways of parenting. I just ask that you respect mine.

I guess I should say when I talk about my awesomeness I am also being silly. I don’t think I am truly a Queen, or totally awesome…I have a few flaws…..just a few! ;o)




Monday, June 21, 2010

Just another reason why I need a Gay BFF!

I am back...and this is a doozey!!

For those of you that do not know, I am addicted to stupid reality TV. Yes, I am the person that keeps up with the Kardashians. I live and breath for Real House Wives of ___________ (You fill in the blank. I love them all.) If there is trashy, crazy entertainment…I am there baby!

It should not come as a surprise that I was enjoying the newest installment of Khloe and Kortney take Miami last night when I heard a phrase that I have never heard. Anal Bleaching. Errmmm?? What? So naturally I turn to my partner in trashy TV watching, my husband.

Me: What did she say?

Dean: I don’t know. I think she said anal bleaching.

Me: What does THAT MEAN?

Dean: How the hell am I suppose to know?

Me: You are A LOT of help. I must know what that is…

Later on in the shower I was trying to come up with a way for me to find out exactly what “anal bleaching” was and what exactly it involved. I can’t google it on my computer. If I did I surely would have like 100 ballizion pop ups for all types of porn…probably mostly gay porn. Then my computer would get some kinda STD and lock up forever. I just can not do that to my precious computer. How would I play bubble pop and maya pyramid? No, googleing it was not an option.

Ahhh…this is where my good ole blackberry comes in handy. See this is where I search for things that I don’t want to possible affect (infect) my computer. I am in BIG TROUBLE if anyone can do some kinda search for all the things that I have looked up on my blackberry. I just hope if I ever turn up missing I have my BB with me. If not the cops are going to think I am a sick bitch that has a fascination with celebrity’s ages.

So we go to bed and I get out my handy dandy BB. I type in ANAL BLEACHING.

HOLY CRAP. People really do this crazy shit. Apparently, it started with the porn industry. They started bleaching their ass holes so that it would look more appealing.


I mean, who even thinks of such.

“Umm yea Cindy, that is a great shot. Great yelling and screaming…just one thing. Your ass looks a little to ass like so hows about you start wiping your butt with Clorox clean up wipes.”

I just sat there reading for half an hour. Apparently it is not as easy as just switching to Clorox wipes. You can go to a salon to have this procedure done or your can go to your dermatologist and ask for a cream.

That is not a conversation that I would like to have with my dermatologist. Nor would I like to go to a salon and have someone lather me up in butt bleach. For people like me, there is the option to order cream online. You have to apply the cream twice a day until you achieve the desired color of ass hole you would like. Then you have to use Kleenex wet wipes to wipe your hiney so that your prestine butt hole will not be stained again. You can use regular wipes, but the Kleenex wipes are flushable.

Anal Bleaching is very popular in the gay community. See! If I had the gay BFF that I always wanted I would not have had to google “anal bleaching” on my blackberry! I am still in a desperate search!

I get how this can be appealing for gay men. Thankfully, I am not their target so they don’t give a rats if my asshole is pink and fleshy.

After reading all about this new phenomenon, I started thinking. I don’t think that most heterosexual dudes care if your ass looks like ass. I mean, if they are willing to sick their dick where poop comes out, I don’t think that their standards are that high…just sayin’.

Another thing that struck me was all the celebrities that have jumped on the “clean the ass” band wagon. These bitches need to think about the women that are trying to immolate them. What kind of message are you sending if you say “your ass is nasty”…hello! It is an ass! It is suppose to be NASTY.

Next thing you know these cleb bitches will start eating potpourri so their shit really does smell like roses.


  1. OMG... OH how I have missed reading your posts, lol!!! I hope you're back for good, I need these laughs!!!

  2. LMFAO glad to see you back =)

  3. I am going to try to keep up again. I feel so much better when I write! I am going to check out yall's blogs right now!!! :)